Saturday, January 27, 2007
TIME: 11:57 PM
Yet another week has passed.
The dance for D&D, getting harder. So I'm not exactly sure how well I'm gonna do. Probably miss some steps and look a little dumb. But leaving it up to God on that day, hope He blesses me with amazing dancing feet. Haha.
Service today was at the same time good and bad for me. It was really bad for me cause I had no visitors. To have no visitors on a ESS really makes me very miserable. There's like this burning feeling of frustration. Like "How can this be", and why questions starts to fly around in my mind. Well, I know that I didn't put in as much effort as I could have, tied up with all the other activities I have going on. So probably that's why I'm visitor-less today. But I'm determined to change this for the next 2 weeks. At least 1 for each week. Best is a total of 4, 1 for each service. Tiring but I'm willing to do it if God will bless me with these 4 visitors.
Service was good today cause God spoke to me about something that I've been struggling with for quite awhile now. I always had some problems with pride. I'm not arrogant, but I'm not exactly humble either. Wondering what people will think of me always limited some of my actions. I knew long before that other peoples' opinions shouldn't be a factor in my decisions but what the head knows may not be what the heart knows. But today, God told me this.
"Why does it matter what people think of you, their opinions are flawed because they don't know you the way I know you. Cast aside your desire to be great in the eyes of Man. Even if all were to turn against you, I will be with you, if you want to be with Me. Place your faith in Me instead of others, and you will be blessed with my love, my unfailing love." I cried from like the start of worship all the way till the end of service.
Think my faith in God still remains shaky, there are times I rely on Him, but there are times when I rely on myself only. I need to change that. To always remember that He is walking right beside me all the time and that He wants to help me through each and every day of my life. Also, think one of the the reasons why I only put my relative 100%, instead of my absolute 100% effort into outreach is the pride thing. Always thinking how my friends will look at me, and what they will think of me after I try to share the gospel. Sure I've breakthroughs in this areas, and these breakthroughs really encourage me to keep trying. But after today, I'm really not satisfied with myself. I wanna to change this and I must remember that in order to do this, I gotta rely not on myself, cause that will just make me self conscious. But to rely on God, cause then I'll have limitless courage and skin so thick I'll never be embarassed.
I know I've been going on about courage for a long time now. But another promise of God that I hold close to? God never gives up of people who really want to repent.