Wednesday, August 31, 2005
TIME: 10:07 PM
Awhile ago it was my first time watching soccer...today was my first time playing soccer...w00t! Even though its like only 2 days away from prelims..but hey.. theres a need for de-stress and today's teacher's day somemore...I should take a break...lol.
Today was erm...ok interesting...but definitely exhausted now...sianz man...I got hit once on the head and once in the groin...lol...but my not the worst injury it seems...unless I end up not being able to have kids...lol...then again... that's like a long time later so who cares now...lol... Anyway today alot of causalties...like practically the entire cg was struck in one way or the other...must be never pray be4 we play...lol...must do it the next time...
I think I siao already...lol... this whole post has alot of lol... lol.
I enjoyed today... lol.
Prelims are coming... lol.
Happy Teacher's day... lol.
I'm siao..lol.
Going to sleep... lol.
Good nite... lol.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
TIME: 9:30 PM
Insanity reigns...Lalalala,lalalala,elmo song...whee....
Ok maybe insantity doesn't totally reign...but it does play a big part in the stressful situation of every A level students' life at this point...so...that's a part of the reason why we had retreat today!
Woke up late this morning...supposed to be meeting at 10..but I woke up 915...so ended up reaching there at 1030...by the time I reached there all the food bought already...so sianz...After that went to Matthias's house...and his dog was like running all around the house licking ppl...lucky I only got licked 2 or 3 times as compared to some others...lol...So....anyway we started to cook our breakfast...which turned out to be brunch...before the others reached...btw the brunch consist of bread eggs ham fries nuggets hotdogs and the most important of all PANCAKES!!!
None of us really knew how to cook the pancakes so I'd say that overall turned out quite well...lol...ate alot and still got alot left over...then we played a game debbie created but by then the girls count when down by 3 when jiamin huiqi and ruizhen left...so sad they din play...lol...the game quite violent...but I WON!!! and then LOST!!! when they just changed the rule of the game...evil...lol...lucky my forfeit wasn't bad...After that Shawn left and the rest of us watched white chicks which was super funny even though I watched it like...2 times already... Then we cleaned up the place and left... Debbie jiayi and zhiwei left for bishan while me luke martin jon peter clement rayson went walking around until we finally decided to go study..but then I had to go home so i din study and i din study for the whole day...GASP!!!DIE LIAO NEVER STUDY!!!Oh well...so sad...Probably can't study anway...lol...
Went home feeling ultra tired but hey I had fun..so who cares...anyway gotta slp early... still got sch...ARGH!!! Sianz man!
Ciao
Thursday, August 25, 2005
TIME: 11:01 PM
I wonder if what I wrote today was read...or simply just chucked aside...possibly even into the rubbish bin...I suppose I shouldn't expect too much to come out of it...oh well...I really think I spent enough time over this matter...It's affecting my entire life which is so not good...whatever the outcome...whether it was read and taken seriously or treated as a joke...This is gonna be the absolute last time I'm going to care about this.I've waited long enough I think,it's time to move on. If its treated as a joke...well too bad then...I guess I made the wrong choice...
This week rather fruitless I must say...I think I spent more time sleeping than studying...but then again cannot blame me right?The teachers seem to want to drown us in timed practices...I practically died trying to complete my GP timed practice today...it was cold,the paper was long...and there were too many words to write...lol...hopefully there were less grammatical errors this time...
Tomorrow is the day I'm gonna put my words into action...I'm gonna be ultra enthu tomorrow...look out world...lol! If only I knew whether or not I can go for the prom...that would really make my day...I should probably bring the cash just in case...
Still stuck on yi shi de mei hao...I think I listened to it more than 200 times already...darn...addicted liao...ah...obsession...help!...lol...I think I just need another 50 times to get myself out of it...
"The times when we would play about,
The way we used to scream and shout
We never dreamed you'd go your own sweet way.
Look for the rainbow in every storm,
Find out for certain, loves gonna be there for you,
You'll always be someones baby
Goodbye my friend
I know you're gone, you said you're gone although I can still feel ya here
Its not the end
Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fear."
- Spice Girls -
"Earthyly friends may prove untrue, doubts and fears asail,
but one still loves and he cares for you. One who will not fail."
-Song "Jesus, never fails"
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
TIME: 10:08 PM
I've lost my steam at studying...darn...just when I was really getting into it...lol...oh well I think I rested enough today since I didn't touch a single piece of work after sch...so tomorrow full steam again.
PE tomorrow...I think its gonna be dancing or something...while a little moronic to dance...its certainly better than some other activities that the pe dep can dreg up...so I'll take what I can and look forward to tomorrow...
It seems as though less than half of my class is going for the prom...darn...there goes having one last party with my class...oh well... 10 per table...wonder if we can even fill it up....hey...outsiders allowed...anyone interested?only 60 bucks for a 7-course meal u know...lol...maybe I won't go...esp since I sort of lost contact with my cat high band gang...so sad... I'll name them...but 13 seems quite alot to name...lol...so anyway...missed that fun time when we overnite at orchard after prom...that was the bestest...lol.
In AJ I made more friends no doubt,but thus fun none seem as close as the 13 of us then... probably too many people now...lol...
Prelims gonna start next week,I should be worried but I'm not...I'm more troubled by my mind heart and soul...and if you dunno what that means...don't ask me...I'm still trying to figure it out myself... :)
I wonder if the person I've been talking to actually cares about what I'm saying or if he even listens,sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a wall,hm.. ok not a good analogy,its more like hm... trying to cut through a diamond with butter,I try but I don't see the effect...wow...I wonder how I can actually make this kinds of analogies(analogys?) out of nowhere...anyway,I think its time to give up on this diamond and move on...why waste time?
anwyay I like this song...so I'm putting the lyrics up... not a happy song though,people not sad should not listen to it,people who are sad should,u might feel better.
Hear Me by Kelly Clarkson
Hear me, hear me
You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hoping my dreams bring you close to me
Are you listening
Hear me, I'm crying out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down, find me
I'm lost inside the crowd, it's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Can you hear me
I used to be scared of letting someone in
But it gets so lonely, being on my own
No one to talk to
No one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening
Hear me, I'm crying out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down, find me
I'm lost inside the crowd, it's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
I'm restless and wild
I fall but I try
I need someone to understand (can you hear me)
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby, I fought for all that I've got
Can you hear me
Hear me, I'm crying out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down, find me
I'm lost inside the crowd, it's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you, to please
Hear me [4x]
Can you
Hear me [4x]
Can you hear me (oh, no)
Hear me [3x]
OK on to more positive things...like erm...Teacher's Day!!!erm...ok not so positive...lol.Feel like ponning,they shouldn't put teacher's day so close to prelims...maybe sometime like july would be nice...ah well...thats the way the system goes.In any case,I'll probably go...how can I not go for something to show appreciation to my teachers.So at this time its time to thanks the teachers.
Mrs Chai---Thanks for being our class PD tutor and Chem tutor, Thanks for being so patient with the few of us who never get the gist of chem(esp organic chem) easily.In the 1 1/2 yrs as our tutor,I've never seen you get angry at our class before,which is kind of hard since there are quite a number of us who are prone to being forgetful about tutorials and admin stuff.Me especially...lol...so thanks alot for being so patient with us.
Mrs Leow---Starting from the most superficial stuff...Thanks for the chocolates that you've given us everytime theres a special occasionlike youth day,first day back to school(I love the sugar coated almonds!) Your GP lessons have always been interesting(with the exception of timed practises...lol) because you made the discussion about different issues very interesting by inserting alot of your own experiences and made us think through of lot of other different perspectives.No I do not sleep during your lessons if I can't help it.You're also concerned with our holistic education and we really appreciate your efforts!You're a truly caring teacher.
Miss Tan---Thanks for being uber patient with me,esp since I normally don't hand up my tutorials and do very badly for tests.But you've never given up on me and continue to help me through many ways like remedials.I admit that I'm probably one of the worst pupils in class but I promise to work hard for A levels and get at least a B so as to show how good a teacher you are.Thanks alot for all you've done.
Miss Mani---I must say that you've made Biology a bit more interesting for me.Although at times you do get mad at us when we don't do our tutorials,but we know that you mean well and want us to achieve the best possible.Also,its always interesting to hear your stories about au gelare and the maid...lol...it really makes the lesson more interesting.Thanks alot for all the extra help you've given us to help us get good grades for bio...maybe you don't see it now,but you will when it comes to the A levels,thanks alot!
Mr Chan---Although I drop physics,I value some of the advice you've given me,like its not the end of the world if I take 3 subs but definitely will be if I can't cope with 4.In some ways you've let me see the light,so for that I thank you.
Mdm Han---Thanks you for your patience.Of all the subjects I've probably done the least work for Chinese,but not only did you not lecture me.You continued to give support and help to me.Your encouragement and advice made my obtaining an A1 possible.Thanks alot!
Ok I think thats about it.It's always nice to thank people for what they have done.makes me feel better when I'm down.The only problem is that i sometimes cant find the proper words to express my feelings...which is so sianz...lol...oh well.at least I've done this.
Time to sleep so I can get ready for the dancing and the timed practices tomorrow...sianz...lol...
Again wishing that person would really understand how I feel.
Friday, August 19, 2005
TIME: 11:08 PM
There's nothing much to post now I guess,some things aren't meant to be posted until I've sorted them out...basically this post is to keep a momentum of posting...
I studied till late and played till late...everyday...maybe its time to cut my play time...hm...oh well... think it through over the week end...
ciao
Sunday, August 14, 2005
TIME: 11:27 PM
Finally...I managed to sleep late...for the past few months I don't think I've ever woken up after 11....so sad...but today I woke up at 11...which I wasn't supposed to...but....anyway,went to eat sushi for brunch with my family to so call celebrate the double A1s for chinese...then after that went national library to study with Clement and Rayson until around 8...except that we kind of stopped studying 7 plus...lol...they played FIFA on Rayson's laptop while I stoned a little...oh...so guilty now...lol.
Spent some time thinking today...nothing really big,but I'm really glad that I seem to be out of that valley that I was in the last few weeks...lol...think I said this quite a few times already...but if you're really glad about something you'll want to say it a few times too right?
I think it's true that sometimes God gives us challenges to make us stronger,this time I learned how important it was not to bottle everything up inside,but at the same time its not good to show a "black face".Always remember there's people that I can talk to or if no one can do that...there's always God,after all He's always around,it's just whether or not we want to seek Him.I think after this time I can handle things better...anyway...
want to share this story I found on the friendster board...lol...it's really thought provoking...Thanks Ee Laine for posting it
This is taken from one of the chapters of the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye written by Joshua Harris. He is a pastor at Covenant Life Church.
This is his dream of our Saviour:
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in that room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files.They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings.
As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read Girls I Have Liked. I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.
And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldnt match.A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents.
Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named Friends was next to the one marked Friends I Have Betrayed.The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: Books I Have Read, Lies I Have Told, Comfort I Have Given, Jokes I Have Laughed At. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: Things Ive Yelled at My Brothers. I have never ceased to be surprised by the contents.
Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than I hoped.I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.
When I pulled out the file marked Songs I Have Listened To, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadnt found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented.
When I came to a file marked Lustful Thoughts, I felt a chill run down my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.
Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didnt matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.
Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore People I Have Shared the Gospel With. The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.
And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.
The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.
No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldnt bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.
Why did He have to read every one?Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didnt anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again.
He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didnt say a word. He just cried with me.Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.
Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one began to sign His name over mine on each card.
No! I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was No, no, as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldnt be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I dont think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.
He placed His hand on my shoulder and said,"It is finished."
I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written...
The End
In life,we sin and waste our time and sometimes even refuse to acknowledge God's presence, but still He remains with us,and with such overwhelming love that He sent His only Song,Jesus to die for us,for our sins.Jesus died for us not so that we could go on sinning but so that we might be saved...
Something for everyone to think about...including me....
TIME: 1:13 AM
I over-reacted on wed...apologize...
Got CLAO results back yesterday,A1,THANK GOD!
Tried out SR gardens mac,small but not crowded...quite nice to mug.
End of the week...finally...
Woke up early today to go mug...expected to reach there at 8 but then i woke up at 8....oh well.
Reached PS around 9 and mug alone until Rayson came,but then we kinda dun feel like muggin le...so he ate brunch and i went to buy this ultra bright lime green tee shirt...wonder what possessed me to buy it.
Then after that we rushed down for prayer meet,but still abit late...haiz...
Service was somehow more connected to me than usual...maybe it was the fact that I kind of let go of all that negative feelings I've been having recently,feels good if you know what I mean.Right now it's just gonna be me and God,and mugging,and possibly SOW-ing.Not gonna let anymore negative thoughts and the people who provoke them into my mind.Gonna step out of my comfort zones,which are quite a few...and place absolute trust in God(Part of my Spiritual Breakthrough Pledge :))
Anyway there were mixed reactions to my shirt...some like it,some dun...lol...some say i stand out,some say i look like La-La of the teletubbies...oh well.
OH!....Today during service we had some special guests,people from HOPE HONGKONG!!!so cool!They were like so super enthu and taught us 2 songs,one of which was so...erm...interesting...its real sad that with my short term memory...I can't really remember how it goes...haiz...
Anyway after service and lunch,the J2s headed over to SR gardens to Rayson's country club for another mugging session,they played pool for awhile but thank God i wasn't tempted to play or i wouldn't have accomplished anything.
By 730 we went to Clement's house for watch the first soccer match of the erm...premier league?I dunno...anyway it was the first soccer match i really watched...so...erm... Everton VS Man U 0-2...lol...ok lar its kind of interesting...i still dunno alot of stuff and dun think i'll ever wake up at 3 am to watch a match yet...but at least its a start...
Gonna pray real hard for all my breakthrough pledges!And make sure I do them!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
TIME: 1:45 AM
I guess this is the power and grace of God.
Just when you think that He has forsaken you and there's absolutely no one in this world who cares and you're just about to give up.He sends a whole lot of people who are willing to listen to you and let you talk through stuff.Ok so the people I half expected would be the ones to listen didn't...but who cares,what matters is that I've gotten things off my chest that I didn't know where to get rid of and I feel better.Not so good as to totally forget the whole thing,but at least I no longer feel like breaking down in tears like I did a few hours ago...
Thanks lots to Shawn and Nicholas and Martin,I'm really glad to know that you care and are willing to listen,just that you're a little late...lol.
So therefore,THANK GOD for Rayson,thank you for listening to me and for presevering in helping me through even when I was ready to bite your head off(figure of speech here).
Sometimes even when you're surrounded by darkness,a helping hand is all that's needed to push away the clouds and let the sun in.Even if the hand came from somewhere you did not expect and you were looking elsewhere for help,its still someone willing to help you and if you just accept it,you will be able to regain the light inside you.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
TIME: 11:06 PM
Today was just horrible...once again I felt like someone just stabbed me and twisted the blade for some reason...even though it was if i think rationally a small thing...
but then again...some times small things add up to one helluva problem right?
I felt abandoned and no one was willing to help me in anyway...all since to rather want to do their own stuff instead... even the supposed close friends... like one who was supposed to be one of the closest was studying somewhere else and i could just feel how reluctant he was at replying my sms by the time elapsed between each sms and when i asked him whether i could go there he implied no...well how nice...ah well... abandoned or not i guess i wasnt in the mood to study anyway...
Sometimes i wonder whether it was worth opening up my heart to friends.ever since the last two failed attempts at having best friends...i sort of closed myself up to any close friends...its lonely but at least i would never be hurt,which i really really hate...
Then this year,something changed and made me open my heart,at that time it was such a good thing that i was willing to open my heart more and more,but then as the time passed,I began to feel more and more as if they were taking me for granted,and more and more,I got hurt over and over again.Sure they say they care they were sorry,but did it ever occur to them that sorry was something like a small pebble in the face of a rushing flood of hurt and pain?
Im sorry for sounding so pessimistic,truly I want to have closed friends who can listen to me just as i listen to them,but then,so far friendship is batting zero and pain is batting a whooping dozen at least. I wish i could share my feelings with that closest friend,but he doesnt seem to understand anyway.
Maybe its just me,in keeping all those feelings inside these past few years to prevent anyone from hurting me, I lost the ability to share my feelings with others,and since they aren't exactly mind readers they cant know what i feel right?But still,i wish there was someone who would actually spare a thought for me everytime they do something,instead of doing it and then saying sorry like that would really help me. Maybe I should have just kept to myself instead of venturing out to the real world of hurt and pain.At least I could live a few more years of my life without the prospect of rejection and thoughtlessness.
I've been hurt so many times these few months that i can actually few my heart get heavy and my breaths get laboured frm it...I really don't want to feel them anymore.
If you're reading this and you know what I'm talking about, either lecture me or do something,I actually don't really care anymore.
Monday, August 08, 2005
TIME: 12:48 AM
I'm physically a little exhausted but spiritually?I feel oh so revitalized...
This week like i said before...i think...is possibly one of my most down weeks...couple illness with stress and fear and so many other things...it's actually amazing that i'm still standing instead of collapsing...i got so down to the point that i almost said things that would spoil a whole lot of relationships and other things...
But thank God for my shepherd who spent so much time with me this week to help me through,really luv you :P. Thank God for service and the retreat yesterday that brought me spirits up a bit more...But most of all thank God for the festival of praise today that totally brought me back up(again its too early to tell) to my original spiritual level...I had began to forget how that feels.
Of coz in order to get to the good stuff you have to pay for it right?and since the concert is free...we had to pay for it in other ways... like going there at 4 when the thing starts at 7 so we can get good seats(which we didn't really) coz by then already a whole lot of ppl there. So we had to sit on the floor in the hot sun for approx 3 hrs...tried muggin a little...i got to know more about excretion...but after that no mood le...too hot...lol. So anyway by the time we entered...the small original grp consisting of me clement jon rayson martin shawn weilun peter grew to include luke alan and hua xiang...so since alot of ppl...got to book seats since so many ppl early come then can be inside le...anyway....6 plus went into the indoor stadium.
Its one thing to do praise and worship during service and a totally diff thing in indoor stadium with over 1000 ppl and 2 professional bands(hillsong and delirious?)I mean not that i dun like service but when u hav more ppl the atmosphere is always more charged not to mention further charging with the likes of darlene Zschech and more leading praise and worship...it was like wow!dynamite!they really know their stuff.But the main point of going to fop was spiritual uplift right?So that happened slightly after altar call and before the first worship song.God somehow impressed to me something that I have known but havent really listened to...its not good to keep too much bad things inside you without accounting either to God or to my shepherd or to anyone(preferably close ppl:))I guess it was really why I got so down in the first place.But after doing accounting to my shepherd and then today to God,it was like the floodgates opened and all that sorrowful stuff poured out and again I cried.And the best thing is that sinning and bottling up and whatever that i have done this week...(sin was that i said somethings to ppl that i shldnt really have said)God later touched me during the rest of the worship and then in praise to tell me that He's always there...then like WOW!!! IT WAS THEN THAT I REALLY REALLY FELT GOOD!!!although still coughing here and there lar...but I trust that God will make a way to remove it.Now i just pray that I will never ever forget that feeling.
So to end it all,I want to thank again my shepherd Cal:P and my careleader Jon:P,for being so patient with my down-ness..lol
And for today Rayson and Martin for"persuading" me to go for FOP.
And all the rest that went today for making it fun
And Hillsong and Delirious? and the other ppl that organised this
AND...
last but definitely the most important...
GOD for always being there for me even when I don't see Him.
Sunday, August 07, 2005
TIME: 12:53 AM
"It's been a long and winding journey,
and I'm finally here tonight.
Picking up the pieces,
and walking back into the light."
Not exactly what I'm feeling,but my inspirational instinct...or instinctual inspiration...or whatever, decided to sing this verse frm "Angels Brought Me Here" in my head..guess it kind of fits in a weird sort of way lar. I was supposedly Christian when i was young since my parents always brought me there...but then...so young...not really connected to God...then later stopped going altogether...and sort of rejected the idea of religion altogether... but then... God works in mysterious ways right? Even after so long He sort of still never gave up on me... So after so many years of rejecting...I came back to accepting Him in my life...which kind of fits the song rite?long and winding journey...and finally im here...walking back into the light...like wow...lol.
The little sad thing is I felt like i came a little too late...came in march and its only 5 months ago...now i have to sort of lighten up my serving God to fully fall into muggin mode,I feel the need to study but i also want to continue...kind of problematic no?haha...guess what calvin said is true...time is like a pie...there only so much of it to go around...got to prioritize...and i guess at this point in time studies have to be more important... doesn't mean i dun go for service and dun serve God anymore.... just step back and take a more passive role i guess...in any case theres always time after A lvls ")... And now would be the time for me to glorify God in my studies..so... look out world... the mugger maniac is coming...lol
AAB A1 aim psych in NUS AASS!
Ask and it will be given to you,
seek and you will find,
Knock and the door will be open to you.
For everyone who asks receives,
he who seeks finds,
and to him who knocks,the door will be opened.[Matthew 7:7-8]
Amen!
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
TIME: 11:06 PM
I'm down I'm out I'm in the dark...the light seems so far off...
God help me...