In like just a few hours time. It's gonna be goodbye 2006 hello 2007. This has been a very amazing year, full of ups and downs. Following what Shirley jie-jie said. I'm gonna do some reflection here. Maybe it will inspire someone, I think it will do that for me.

Start on the bad things first. Recently I've been very frustrated with myself. Looking back on the past year. I realized that I haven't given my all for God in many things. Things that I should have done to my best, because they should have been important, but I didn't. As much as it makes me feel terrible, I didn't put my 100% for outreach this year, letting discouragement and fear and all sort of excuses drain my passion for it. Without that fire, outreach was a periodic thing, no longer a lifestyle. For this, God I'm so sorry. Next, I realized that I wasn't as a good shepherd as I could have been to Ezekiel. I wanted to be the best of course, that was my desire ever since June camp, but I let that desire fade by convincing myself that I was still new and completely didn't know anything. Without that desire, I let some of the things I should have done for Ezekiel slide. For this, Ezekiel I'm so sorry. Throughout this year, there were so many things I could have done better, but I let my lazy side take over me. And later let the consequences wear me down.

But enough of that self pity.

I really thank God for this december. He gave me this month to really see what I have been doing. There were many things that I have not done to my best, but remain indifferent about. Throughout this month, God gave me insights on them, turning my indifference to frustration. A frustration meant to grow me. One that will make me not want to make the same mistakes again. And I think ultimately whatever I've done wrong, God will forgive, as long as this dissatisfaction, one that makes me want to go punch my past self in the face and say"wake up, and start serving God, stop lying around doing nothing.", remains, and I keep a repentant heart. I'm not saying that I can just constantly sin over and over again, repent and then go back sinning. But I think as long as I grow from the experience, even if I stumbled again. God will take my hand, pick me up and say" It's ok, It's alright to fall. Come take my hand, let me help you up,then we'll try again together." Just reading this back, it gives me new hope for the new year.

But this year hasn't been as dreadful as the previous paragraph describes. There are also lots of good stuffs, what I really want to focus on to inspire me to keep improving for next year.

First, while outreach has yet to be my lifestyle, I think God has really help me grow in this area this year. Although only periodic, those times, I think I really worked as hard as I could. There were no fruits, but when I finally manage to make outreach a lifestyle, something that comes so natural to me, I know God will bless me with much. Even with such periodic times, when Shirley said God clapped for all our hard work during yesterday's celebration. I heard him say" You've grown, you've done better than before, this clap is also for you."
Second, I thank God for blessing me with so much in NS, not many pes B, pass IPPT people can actually get out of combat units and jump right into band. Not many people have their shepherd sleeping just 2 beds away in BMT. Or have another hoppie(current shepherd) in the same unit. Looking at all this, how can I not believe that God blessed me. How can anyone who knows it not believe that.
Like I said, I really thank God for this december, not just for letting me see where I've gone off the path He set for me, but also to see the goodness He has placed in my life and the breakthroughs He has given me. Like Derrick wrote in my card, the shy me has been overtaken by the more courageous me, courage that God has given me. To be able to help a whole group of people in their studies when I have doubts about my ability to teach, especially when it comes to people I don't know at first. Also to be able to stand up in front of the whole central and share what God has spoken to me, it's not something I would have usually done. I also became more trusting of others, to look beyond their surface and see the intent. To release alot of grudges. All these things, I could never have done alone, simply because I never considered changing them. But God saw and God did.

Finally, I come to the most important blessing that God has given me this year. Something that I really thank Him for. It is said that Man does not live on bread alone. We need food to survive yes. But to live, we need to have relationships. A relationship with God being the most important. Also, relationships with others. So I really want to thank God for the people He has put in my life this year. God has placed Derrick in my life. My recently former shepherd. He is someone whom without with, I probably wouldn't have seen so much growth in myself. Thank you for believing in me. Spurring me on even when I said I couldn't. Thank you for going so out of the way for me. Going all the way to Sengkang when you live so far away for shepherding. All the way to Serangoon to run with me even when you dislike running probably as much as I do. Helping me with my UA duties. Bringing me to Billy Bombers. There are so many things you have done for me and if I were to list them all. I might crash blogger. But really, thank God for you and all that you've done. God sees your hard work and will bless you and annoint you to bring Ezekiel and all your other sheeps to their upmost potential. I thank God for the NS ministry, for Jiehui who work so hard to find the key to the ministry. Reading books even I don't wanna read just so you can teach apologetics and spending so much time to the point of people probably think you being gay or something. For my current shepherd Peter, for helping me grow in such a short time to really want to extend the kingdom of God. For CD1, being my CG for 1 year, going through the year with me, lifting me up. For CD3, my CG now, for accepting me so readily. I see a great growth in the year ahead. For everyone in this ministry, for working so hard to bring in the harvest. You guys have been a great inspiration to me. For Daniel too, my DL, you've believe much in my ability even when I didn't. You gave me constant reminders of what God wants me to do, to be salt and light. Also, your passion for central has given me passion too. For pastor Shirley da-jie, when I see your dedication to the kingdom of God, your passion for growing the Church, your desire to see God be known to the world. Wow. Thanks for all your sweat and blood and tears. I think you've really help to motivate the whole youth ministry to reach what we are today, breakthrough 1000 is done. Let's move on to greater glories for God. For the ppl I've taught in NED, don't know what I've been doing to you all. Haha. But thank God for you all, for believing in my ability in maths and chem which I don't believe in. Especially Gary and Zijie, for spending alot of time with me after your exams. For Desmond, So busy still try to find time to teach me guitar. I really appreciate that. So down to the last person, who's to me, as important as Derrick, heh, important people should be placed both first and last. To my spiritual buddy Alvin. Firstly, thank you for trusting my then very raw tutoring skills, my first student. Thanks for motivating me to run so I can lose weight, heh. Choosing to take time to spend it with me when I need it. For teaching me even as I was teaching you, the overnight discussions over passages in the Bible and so on. Introducing me to alot of good food. We haven't been SBs for very long, think at most 3 weeks only. But really, thanks. Let's grow our groups strong, and go try more food, and fish and all that.

Writing this post so far, I cannot count the number of times I've teared. How strange that during my daily life, I've never remembered these blessings God has given me. Thank God Shirley gave me this idea.
Over the whole of 2007, I hope those bad things will dissapear, they might be replaced, but they must not remain. All who read this please help me ok? Stop me from giving excuses I make for continuing on with those horrible things I've done this year.

My prayer for the new year
God. I really pray that during the next year. You'll guide me to be the best I can be. I might not be comfortable with it, I might fear it, I might hate it. But guide me all the same, I choose to follow what the Holy Spirit prompts me to do. And when I don't do it. Send me reminders through people to remind me what I've prayed for today. Be with me, that I may be comforted by your presence during times of despair. When I feel like You aren't there, remind me that You're always there. That You're simply letting me learn to walk on my own, but still watching over me. God I pray that next year will be a fruitful year. Because I have chosen to make outreach my lifestyle. Mold me to be someone that will live for you. May my everyday for next year and the year after and forevermore be days that will glorify You. That I may be salt and light to the world. Grow me to become all that You want me to be. Everyway that I can, I want to serve You, to worship You, to simply love You. Let everything that I need come from You and no one else. You are my creator, my provider, my saviour, my friend, my guide, my everything. Guide me always, never let me go. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Yay. So the internet's finally back to almost working order. So can blog about the week.

Christmas was fun at the chalet. Haha. Amazed that the place can actually hold the entire central. So sad I fell asleep like 1 hour after 12. Completely missed out on the whole night. But fortunately managed to keep awake for the whole of the second night. Got taught more about mahjong by Sida and played for hours. haha. Anyway... will post photos of it when i know how... or you can simply refer to central blog :P

Yesterday went to watch Death Note 2 with a whole bunch of ppl which I will try to name... if i can remember them all... Alvin Gary Zijie Chunjin JosephLin Jiancong Sunny Chenxiang Stephen Ruihao Pam and er... forgot the last one... Also saw 2 other grps from hope. haha. The Grand Cathay is uber huge and comfortable. Love it. haha. So anyway back to the movie... Sobz... My 2 favourite characters died... One died to save an idiotic girl... but at least the other died peacefully... But think thats the end of death note the movie already. dun think they will make the rest of the manga into movies... will get too draggy.

Discovered a new game from Matthew. Oohhh.... hooked on munchkins... must get my own.... compulsive buyer strikes again.

I'm just blogging to keep my blog alive for now.

Oh happy happy. It's about to be Christmas.

This month has been a month of new and exciting breakthroughs for me. First I spoke out in front of a 100 plus ppl crowd(central). Then I found my spiritual buddy(Alvin) :P. And now today God has blessed me beyond everything He has before.

So the day of Christmas service started out on a low note. Considering that I tried very hard to invite a whole lot of ppl, think about 15 ppl at least. And all didn't want to go or couldn't make it. Imagine how crushed I was to give confirmation of 0 to my shepherd(new also-- Peter :)). I almost cried myself to sleep, asking God why this happened. It's not like I didn't put in any effort or anything. So anyway was feeling quite depressed all the way to dhoby ghaut station, where I decided to just ignore my own sadness and try to look happy for everyone else. Think it work, heh. Then at service I completely denied my emotions and just decided to bask in the presence of my God, ignoring my doubts so that I could wholeheartedly seek Him.

Now while I had no visitors with me, Peter had 2 so I could help him instead. So when it came to altar call, naturally I would share to 1 while he share to the other. Actually before this I was very nervous. Was thinking, if God didn't even let me have any visitors, will He actually help me in this?(Understand that this is spawned out of my insecurities) By the last worship song(which happen to be my current favourite-- Beautiful Saviour) however, God touched me. Filling me up with a sense of confidence in His power and my life. I felt like crying then, it seems that God always touches me when I'm feeling most powerless and down, giving me a sense of feeling that is impossible to describe, but best words are excitement and wonder. Wondering why God would actually use someone who seem to have given up hope. So anyway, it came to altar call. And I shared my life and how God blessed me ever since I came to know Christ to Wee Kiat. Things I never even thought of just came spilling out of my mouth. It's so amazing. I didn't even think I knew what I was saying. And when he agreed to go down... Aiyah cannot describe lar. So that's the first time I help someone come to know Christ. It's just simply amazing. It's amazing how God works things out. I rather have no visitors and have someone convert, than to have 15 visitors but no one convert. I can only say God really works in ways that are beyond my understanding. And I really got to just hold on to the fact that He knows what to do. So yeah learnt something today :)

Everyone enjoyed my cookies. So happy. Haha. Oh happy day.

Just a quick update on the past few days.
Sun-- played bball during sports cg. not bad although it rained. I actually had fun and can keep my emotions under control. Then met my mom at vivocity to do a little shopping. Turned out to be a huge spree... Don't wanna type out the amount I spent. Might scare ppl to death. Lol.

Mon-- Supposed to go hike up bukit timah hill. But guess what. It rained... Oh well. No hike. So I spent the afternoon at PS with Gary and Zijie. Sort of a retreat. Haha. Played a game of pool in which I sunk none of the balls. LAN which my VS owned a little before being destroyed. And a touch of arcade. Then the 3 of us plus Lester chilled awhile at TCC talking about creating a game for Christians. Got to know them better, which was the whole purpose btw. It's really nice, don't usually get a chance to just spend time with people, usually got alot of other stuff distracting. The rest of the stuff... erm... nvm...haha.

Today-- Woke up late for the first time in many months, must have been really tired. Never in the whole of this year did I wake up at 9. Anyway, planned to complete my list of gifts for people solo today. But ended up with Aquila as well. Thank God he's there, or I'll probably still be stuck with gifts not bought since I'm as indecisive as erm... no idea what lar(Indecisiveness strikes again) Anyway, did it all. Yay.

Christina Aguilera's Hurt is amazing. She can produce so much emotions in the song and her vocals are amazing.

Anyone who actually reads my blog, you wanna come for my Church's Christmas service? It's really gonna rox! 23rd dec, 3pm at Kallang Theatre. Say you wanna come. Tell me ok?

Cya

I'm home, looking like the walking dead, pretty much about to collapse very soon. Actually just fell asleep in the toilet just now.

Just came back from breakthrough camp.Well actually came back from that long ago but got parade...Anyway...I'm gonna try to blog as accurately as I can what happen lar... But some stuff just can't be captured in words.

First day---Supposed to meet games comm ppl at 930, but waited until 1030 only to find out that they left already.. oh well. So headed there along with the rest of the ns unit. Then went on to prepare for games. Also registered in, and like this camp's goodie bags are sooo much better than before! Shoe bags! with very nice camp booklets. Also wann extend my warmest welcome to all the A level grads boys from various district, welcome to NS or the SAF, Serve God Always Forever.
Otherwise it's just gonna be a waste of your 2 years. Quoted from Derrick.
Anyway, on with the games! Turns out east didn't have enough people for table soccer, so only had 4 games between NorthEast, NorthWest and Central before I became free to roam around. Unfortunately, rain came in shortly after the 4th game and the rest of the games session,including the track events,were cancelled. So we adjourned back to the hall to continue on with cheerleading and king of food. Very fun to watch cheerleading, we have such talented members in our church. and very big eaters too. haha.
Then we were given the keys to our respective bunks so we could go wash up for dinner. The keys were kinda irritating since there was only one set for 4 of us. Which pretty much meant that we had to always wait for the person with the key to come help us activate the lift and gate. Thank God I got to hold the key, muhahaha.

So after dinner we had the opening ceremony where they showed us a nice sample of the mass dance. And then we prepared our hearts for teaching with prayer and praise & worship. Both of which were especially ministering, think its the fact that all the people present were just so hungry to hear from God. So by the time that ended, we were more than ready to hear from the Word of God.
The first teaching was Illustrations of Christian Victory by Pastor..ermm brother! David Chen. :) The way he preached was a very refreshing change that really ministered to me. For this lesson, the main point was that God wants to and has given us victory in everything we do, however God gives but does not feed, we must desire for the victory and if we want it we must work for it. But working for it fully with the faith that God has already ensured that we will be victorious. The thing that really struck me that day was on how hidden sins could become our bondage that prevents us from being victorious. I'm not gonna say what, but there are some things that I had not accounted for yet. Right at that moment though, God called out to me, I just can't describe it, the feeling and what happened then is just beyond description. I cried, ashamed of myself and amazed by the grace that God still wants to give me, even with the doubts that sometime comes to me. It's awesome to have felt God's love just surround you.

Following the spirit-filled altar call, we were pretty much exhausted and most went to bed on time(1230) though some of the more energetic ones seem to not need sleep till like 3, 4am.

Day 2--- Woke up at 7 and did QT with my new CG. Followed by a brief mass dance session. And then breakfast... did I mentioned that the food that was provided was none other than from SFI, also known as the provider of cookhouses in most army camps? Urgh! But thank God it tasted better than what was given in the cookhouse. More teaching next.
Basically the whole day was devoted to teaching by Shirley and David. But it was good, because the Holy Spirit was moving. I learnt a lot that day. And while God didn't hit me the way He did on the first night, nevertheless He did speak to me. More and more I'm convicted about fulfilling the Great Comission. And after listening to all the testimonies shared by David, I'm convinced that 100% man 100% God. God confim give 100% effort, so we give 100% effort, and there's pretty much nothing that we cannot do. All the testimonies on how God provided money for busride, stopping the storm, sending the right people at the right time... It's just so amazing.

So instead of dinner... we had..... MISMATCH!!! I'll post photos of the event shortly... as soon as I upload it. Very happy to say that my outfit got nice comments. Lol. So interesting to see what other people come out with too. Had presentations of affirmations for all the DLs too. Very touching. We had one more teaching and since God was moving in the hall. We ended up overshooting the time by alot. But hey,we're youths, we ain't gonna let late night stop us from praising and worshiping God now are we,especially on the last night. So yeah, we had our concert! Always fun to praise God, though I got my feet scraped by the floor for not wearing shoes.

So the concert ended at 2, which pretty much left very little time for our usual talk to all the people you need to talk to kinda thing. Had district and unit meeting till about 330. Don't want to go into details here. Then met up with Peter for a sort of a first shepherding, a quick run through to see how I am on teachings and such. Then went to meet Derrick for a chat. Did a little affirmation for each other. Really gonna miss this shepherd. Learnt alot from him. So yeah Derrick, thank God for you.

Then just chatted with Derrick and Guo Feng. Talked about the reasons why we accepted Christ and stuff like that, very thought provoking chat. Then Derrick couldn't hold out and fell asleep right there by the netball court. Lol. So continued to talk to Guo Feng. We're pretty much came about the same time... at least I think so lar... I sort of can't grasp the fuzzy memory anymore. Talk about a lot of stuff. Don't wanna go into details.

Then went to talk with Alvin. Also wanna thank God for him. He has really been a blessing to me this year. So we talked about what we learnt in camp, which is pretty much what I've been writing about so far. lol. Then went back to the hall and sort of rested with Rayson and Kayson... interesting names eh? Lol. The hall was pretty much left to the NorthEast ppl. Wonder where the rest have gone... my unit think only left me and Rayson. Had some nachos, thanks Kat for getting them for us. Though you make me buy something everytime I see you. lol. Then me and Kayson decided to go play "volleyball" with erm... ok I dunno all them names... so its er... Pam, Sunny, Gary, Jian Cong and the rest. lol. Very fun, its not really volleyball so much as smack the ball until it falls to the ground. I got 3 headshots though, so sorry to those I hit. We played till about 715 before going back to dorm to wash up.

day 3--- this is where I felt abit low. Coz me and Peter gotta report back to camp at 1030, so like we have to leave about 830 to ensure that we weren't late. Which meant that we would miss out on all the day's activities. including photo-taking and all the fellowship. My heart felt heavy to have missed out on this. Moreover, considering that I had no sleep, going for a parade seemed like a daunting task. But one nice thing that happened today was that 2 of the sisters from Hope overseas gave me a keychain to remember them by. So nice of them.

Now to share one of my breakthroughs. Ok most people that know me know that I'm kinda cowardly, speak in front of more than 10 people and I get stressed up and all that... When David was asking people to go up to the front to share their convictions to the rest of the Church, ok I didn't go...(this is not my breakthrough yet) I was prompted yeah, I wanted to stand but firstly I was still pretty much tied up by my fear and also there were already too many people sharing already. So I thought, ok that was the end of it... dissapointed in myself, but relieved. Then after the concert we had our district meetings... And Daniel gave us the chance to those who wanted to share but haven't. Once again prompted by the Holy Spirit. Again I resisted... not very obedient after all... but this time, my resistance didn't last that long... with pretty much no idea what made me do it, I raised my hand... and moved to the front, all the while thinking, die... what in the world am I doing up front. But God gave me courage, I wasn't completely comfortable, but I shared my conviction. Very big step out of my comfort zone I think. Later Derrick was like saying that he was very surprised when Daniel called me up front, he was actually trying to remember if there was another Shaun in central. Lol. So I faced up with one of my fears, maybe next camp, I'll be one of those people standing in front of the Church sharing.

I haven't exactly been really serving God for like awhile now. But I want to change. And from this camp I gained a fear. A fear that once I leave the camp, I'll just revert back to my old routines with not life transformations. I'm doing all I can to keep the fire burning and not let this fear come through. But I know that the fire will only keep burning when I trust in God. Trust in God's strength, love, comfort and so much more. All you people who went for the camp too, keep it burning too.

Breakthough 1000 by end Dec.

Amen.

Ok yay I survived the week, pretty well too. Blessed by God I think. But no details, shan't look back on the past but move on to the present. Or whatever. lol.

Got myself all packed and ready for camp, and in record time I might add. Got an idea for Mis-match, but I think it's either it looks ugly and I won't wear it... or I'm gonna burn up in it. Oh well. Hopefully I won't forget anything important.

Really expecting to see great breakthroughs in this camp, especially since the past week has been filled with blessings, as though God is gearing me up for the camp. So I'm gonna go with as much excitement as I can muster(picture monkeys jumping around a room filled with bananas, or even Hammy[over the hedge] with caffiene)

Anyway, there's nothing much to be said before camp lar, it's the after camp that's important. 'sides, I'm gonna have to rest so I'm all geared up for games(all of which I'm not in) and so I won't fall asleep at the wrong times.

Don't wait for me to come online ok? coz I won't, not till wed. :)

Yay! I've reached the halfway mark of my NS life today. I get new amounts of credits to buy stuff from e-mart... not that I will... since the e-mart is like a good 15 mins walk away from the hill(Now that sounds scary) Rather wait till like BMT POP or some other parades where the e-mart is closer... lol. Can also get to see my pink IC in like 11 months and 30 days.

Tomorrow is like the last tough parade of the year. Finally, OCS will end. So I didn't really go down for that many rehearsals and the sun was hiding in the clouds. But it's still tiring what, can just picture the president taking a long time to do his inspection and making the speech which incidentally, is something like BMT POP, pre-written and the GOH just reads off it. Which means spend enough time at the parades, and you too can make those speeches. Lol.

Camp is coming up so fast, I feel very unprepared. Gotta find time tomorrow to get my stuff ready, and try to spend as much time preparing my heart as possible. I intend to get the most of this camp, who knows when the next one that I can attend is gonna be.

My sheep just went to tekong today, poor thing. God bless.

Gd night all.

Ok I'll start with some whining, some emo, and then some cheerful. lol.

By the end of next week, maybe everyone can go attend my funeral. It's gonna be like parades every single day starting from this sun. COG then BMTC then OCS... AHHHH!!! Can go insane lor. Especially the BMTC one... it's like going to Azkaban, with all those dementors swooping down and sucking the happiness out of you. The only good thing about this whole thing is that I'll probably get a tan... not a full tan... but a tan nonetheless. lol.

So anyway, 1 more week to camp!! YAY!! I can finally go for my second full camp after missing 2... Gonna enjoy this camp fully, and have lots and lots of breakthroughs. I'll stay there until I get at least 1, even go without sleep(which I already most likely won't be doing on the second night.) Then after that it's all out for Christmas already(which I still haven't started writing cards... think gonna be late again. Think I can grow alot this month. Full steam! And also I found my colour for clothes!!! It's purple!!! At least I got one so far lar... see how it goes... I'm a little high... dunno why...

So anyway today, a little emotional. Had CG at Sarpino's in Meridien. And so the re-structure is officially revealed today, although it takes effect only from camp. Me and Victor moving on to the other 2 CGs. I kinda expected it already lar. Always wondered why me and Peter different CG, but expecting and actually having it come to pass is very different lar. Considering how much I dislike change(some might say dislike getting out of comfort zone...) it's actually very hard from me to constantly move on( 3 different CGs in less than 2 years.. probably broke some record) Not to mention I'm gonna have my sheep become my soon to be ex-shepherd's sheep just when we finally get some kind of connection, which leaves me with no sheep at the moment. Think if Derrick didn't tell me earlier, I'll probably end up crying or something. I wish can stay, but when God has given a new direction, new paths to explore, the best way to grow is to obey. Besides it's not as though I don't see why I'm moving lar. Still hard, still struggling, but with a heart knowing that God will make a way, will help me adapt to changes. Also, knowing that God will use a pretty quiet and terrified me to help grow the group and these changes are meant to help me grow too. Hopefully, my faith will reach new levels through this and my "walls" will all collapse like the walls of jericho did.

Getting a bit teared up already... better end off. Ciao.

.:Welcome:.

Come one come all! To the craziest ball!

.:God's Word:.

Jeremiah 1:7-8
But the Lord said to me, " Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.

.:God's Creation:.

Name:ShaunJeremiah
DOB:27/03/87(big hint)
Reborn on:27/03/05
Baptised by the Spirit on:14/04/05
Baptised by water on:16/07/06
Church: Hope Church
Serving God in:NUSB2
Secondary Job:NUS Student
Loves: God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, My SB, My CGs(Past& Present), Singing, My instruments,Dark Chocolate, Air-con, My Mac, My ipod touch, my psp
Hates: lucifer, cockroaches, homework, exercise

Wants/Wishlist: PS3, iPhone,soprano sax, another guitar, NUM tees, pedro shoes, new desktop, the new macbook.

.:God's Blessings:.

Hoppies
AlvinNathanael | AquilaMartin | CENTRAL | Chenxiang | Chloe | GaryMokky | Harry | HongMun | Jason | Jeremy | JobZiJie | Jon Quek | Joseph Lin | Kaiwen | Luke | Michelle | PamelaChantelle | Peter | QianJin | Rayson | Shawn | Shuning | StephenJiehui | Sunny | Sunny Lim | Victor | Wendy | Xue Yong | Y-Choir

Friends
AJCSB | Albert | BenTan | Dominic | Enling | Gerald | Jian Xiang | Kaimin | Ting Yee | Wendy

.:Fellowship:.

.:From Past To Present:.

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