Tuesday, September 27, 2005
TIME: 10:32 PM
Ok so my prelims didn't get what I expected. But in all circumstances I have somewhat improved,which is something definitely worth thanking God for. I mean...I won't exactly have improved if I haven't studied...and I won't have studied if I didn't go out to study...and I won't have gone out to study if I didn't have a bunch of people to study with...and I won't have that bunch of people if it was not through God's blessings right? So once again,as many times as I have said it Thank God for Rayson Clement Jon Peter Junliang Luke Aquila Matthias Sunny Alvin Yihui Freedy Xiuluan Zhiwei and erm...I think i forgot a few people...but neverless thank God for you all for accompanying my study sessions in bcc. Lol. Let's continue studying to glorify God with our studies.
In case you're interested,thus far I improved to a D for chem,dropped to C5 for GP. and the other 2 remains not fixed yet though I dun expect much.
Today mrs leow said something not related to GP...obviously...since I'm going to write it here.
As usual I can't remember exact words and all...but I think it goes like this. If you pray but continue to worry,you have no faith in the prayer. If you have no faith in the prayer, it is useless and you might as well just not do it. Again not sure if thats what she means... but then this sort of applies to students during exam times,which is why she mentioned it in the first place. For those people who believe in praying to God, if you believe you have faith right? So if you pray let's say...just before the exam,you shouldn't worry. As long as you have put in your best effort God will reward you in time,so why worry and panic and make a mess of the paper. Trust fully in God and worry not.
Yeah so anyway today was caregroup, and I pray that I would be able to improve in the area for forgiveness.I write it here to remind me and hopefully I can do it.
Anyway today is Shawn's birthday(not mine...the other shawn) so don't forget to say happy birthday to him. lol.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
TIME: 1:22 AM
Ok morning today was quite sianz coz like I woke up at 10... Then like go somerset already got not enough time to eat...so i went HMV alone to search in vain for carrie underwood CD,or even single. But can't find...sianz man. So anyway bought a britney spears single for 8.95 and quite nice when I heard it.
So service today continue on with the series and just highlighting the mainpoint here. It being the need or the importance of not practicing accumulation of repentance,in other words or at least what I think are in other words, at least daily lar. It was really minstering and I can't exactly describe the feeling,but then I never really considered this point before so yeah another point learnt.
After which we celebrated Bob's birthday at starhub with a really delicious cake.
Following that was prayer meet which we attended half-way. Found out that Rui Zhen (Hammy!) transferring. So abit sad lar but its for a good cause so nvm...lol.
After which we had late lunch(very hungry by then) at Le meridien. People pls try the australian food store.Price is a little steep but very good and very filling. Yami peach youghurt the best so far. lol.Then we had caregroup evaluation until 6.
Again following that me rayson shawn junliang followed aquila to bugis to buy his sling bag. went to bugis street first lar and saw lots of unbiblical stuff there lor...there was like this guy walking in front of me wearing a tee with erm...censored better... on it. and a tee on sale with F***in limited on it. Anyway,we din get the bag there. Got it at bugis junction.
Had dinner with them at BK with shawn entertaining us with somewhat lame jokes and some experiences in sonicfest. Then rush down with rayson to clem's house to watch soccer(4th one)
Which Man U was a real let down by losing the match to Blackburn(which I'm told is not very good) by 2-1,though cannot blame Van Der Sar lar...he saved alot. Its the rest bu zheng qi. Sianz
Anyway missed the last bus and had to take cab. my wallet got heartattack. lol.
Happy Birthday(haven done this for quite awhile)
Bob(23/9)
Shawn(27/9)
Luke(29/9)
ciao
Friday, September 23, 2005
TIME: 2:42 AM
I just went on an emotional roller coaster... one day I'm down,the next day I'm up... haiz... life used to be simpler...lol.
I'll blog more but now tired...going to sleep....
Bio was ok
X-men legends I reached the 2nd last level already...phoenix rox..!
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
TIME: 9:34 PM
I actually wanted to rant again,and not delete this time...that was about an hour ago,when I really felt hostile...now though...I guess I'm not in the mood for it.
Doesn't mean I wun blog...
I'm no longer seeing red like I was,being angry isn't me...no for too long anyway. I guess being rather introverted and practically emotionless half the time tends to make people forget about my existence. But it does not mean that I don't have feelings you know? Just because I surpress them so that you don't have to deal with them does not mean that you can just treat me like crap. And that's exactly how I feel at the moment. Practically my whole life is based on me trying to be sensitive to others,and then having others view me as unimportant. I'm always the one with the lower end of the stick,from my so called father to my sister. Now even the friends I thought I found are doing this. I'm not exactly asking for best friends or anything, but it would be nice if sometimes people give up some of their time to be with me... instead of me always waiting for people to ask or giving up MY time to accompany them. Friendship is a 2-way thing, and I'm really very tired of trying to accomodate them. Not to mention hurt because they basically forgot about me. This has happen so many freaking times in the past few months that I could,and I repeat could, almost get used to it.
Haiz...Not in the mood to write anymore. Don't even know why I'm writing this stupid crap. It's not like it's gonna change anything.
I wish I had a true friend
I wish I had the ability to forgive and forget
I wish my shepherd will stop neglecting
I wish I would stop feeling like this
I wish to lose my heart so that the pain would be gone
I can keep wishing...but I know they won't ever come true.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
TIME: 11:46 PM
Cool! I was on tv! They showed what they took when we went settler's cafe for core team retreat the last time...think its was erm last week of july like that...lol.
They showed us playing Shadows over Camelot(which for the record is one awesome game!) and I got like filmed quite a few times...ultra funny!!! I'm a star now, you may ask me for my autograph! Lol.
On the serious business now that my 5 sec stardom is over. New round of prelims tomorrow,best get to sleep.I'm insane now....too stressed. lol
God bless all.
Saturday, September 17, 2005
TIME: 1:00 AM
Well I really dun wan to blog...its not nice to blog at this moment... but wth...who cares?
Rant deleted as usual.
Dun mind me...I need to rant to get rid of the stress...come back in a day or two and I should be all cheery and smiles...
Thursday, September 15, 2005
TIME: 11:27 PM
Hai...one week of prelims over...one more week to go...Like I said bio was good... maths was hell...and chem was somewhat in between...so I think I shld do better than for mid years...which is not exactly hard to do considering my inferior grades...haiz...
Tried out the X-men legends game on my ps2 as part of my break to prevent brain burn out...super fun.
It's been a week since I sent out those 2 sms-es that part of me regrets sending while the other part is happy that I've somewhat moved on(after all still got one part right?). That small part that regrets really wants to say sorry....but since its obvious that he obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with me...I can do the same and ignore him...probably better that way...Maybe I'm wrong but if he doesn't even bother to correct me....erm...no idea why I type this... probably just to get it off my chest... want to type more...but somethings aren't meant for others to read...so...too bad...haha.
Someday somehow in the future,my wish will come true and I no longer have to worry about such problems anymore.
Rare will it be for me to end on a low note...so let's perk up shall we?Bishan CC is like AJ hangout leh...lol...see more than 8 different AJCians there already and I think got more...Most of them I know of course...lol.Come on ppl presevere! Only one week more for prelims and erm...2 months for A levels!
Monday, September 12, 2005
TIME: 10:46 PM
Just a quick blog before I rest my weary brain...lol.
I've never been much of a counter of my blessings...which is a bad thing...so I'm gonna start today.
I thank God for making the rain go away as a left the house and gave me a taxi almost immediately just as the rain started to fall again so I can reach school in time.
I thank God for keeping me calm and helping me get through my bio paper...which for the record was manageable,think can pass.
Finally thank God for Rayson Clement and Jon who have been a constant in my study months so far,they made my revision more interesting and less tedious...like playing bridge and chess and all the other things.Yep,I've never been able to keep going without them. And also thanks to Yihui...who I'm told be Jon is called Melanie for buying chicken rice for me just now and I haven paid yet...forgot... sorry lol.
Praying that tomorrow's paper and the next day's paper will be just as manageable.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
TIME: 10:38 PM
Ok the rest of prelims starts tomorrow...I gave it my best effort to revise already and I'm drained,but it will be fine,you know why? Cause I have God,when I'm exhausted He will be there to keep me going and that's what I'm trusting in tomorrow. Whatever happens tomorrow is in God's hands and He will give me the results that I deserve. Amen!
Saturday, September 10, 2005
TIME: 1:06 AM
Nothing much happened today...dunno why I'm bloggin...
Let's see...woke up at 10(I haven slept much the past 2 days...very tiring you know?) Then sort of slacked around the house more than mug..
Left around 245 and chionged down to sr gardens mac to mug with clement...basically mugged until 11...made up for all that lost time in the morning considering that i skipped dinner. Jon came around 830 and blessed me with a t-shirt...whee!
Mac ppl a bit the unfriendly...want to close dun tell us just off light...lol...anyway after that went chomp chomp on the conception of wanting supper...except that we reached there and dun feel like eating so me clem jon and rayson watch peter eat some squid thing and left... after that. quite tired... best sleep early service tomorrow...
Ok so apparently I'm not over the issue and I haven't surpressed it well enough that people didn't notice...guess I have no choice but to face the music and resolve the matter A.S.A.P except that I have no idea where to start...Pray for me.
Friday, September 09, 2005
TIME: 12:12 AM
Today is METAMORPHOSIS!!!
Last nite after mass shepherding went to eat steamboat for 10 bucks...the choices has more room for improvement...but overall quite ok lar...lol...always enjoy eating with my bros...lol. After that went Clem's house to stay with Rayson and Luke...played Risk and watch Micheal Jackson concert until 230 like that...sin le...sleep so late when today got events...lol..but I didn't fall asleep throughout the whole thing...too excited...whee!
Anyway,lost at risk to luke...sian...lol....and want to say that if not for the many scandals revolving around micheal jackson...he would have been one of my favourite singers...like wow...so good at dancing and singing.
So short highlight of yesterday...now on to the main event!
Woke up today at 845...sianz...late le...and raining somemore...but since the whole thing gonna be indoors...doesn't matter...
erm...to make the long day a little shorter...begin with overview...the teachings today were super erm...er...ok I learnt alot from it...lol...Although meant for New Believer but then I was hardly taught any of those lessons...I learnt ALOT!!!and those things that I did learn before were put into a more practical way for me to understand better...so amazing...
Anyway we started off with a very short game(game short coz not priority what...lol) Then Shirley taught us about the need for Quiet Time and how to do Quiet Time.Although I do know about the need for it and I do do it...Today's teaching somehow gave me a fresh perspective and made me more comfortable in doing QT and enter the presence of God. Amen!
Then the next one was about caregroup which I know more of so learnt less...but doesn't mean I was sleeping...lol. It does reinforce the importance of having a caregroup so that we can look after each other's spiritual life and defend ourselves against false teachings not from the Bible.
Then it was about Holy Spirit Baptism,which I am already...so nothing much there. But PRAISE GOD!!! Alot of New Believers were Holy Spirit Baptised today! Ok...I'm not very sure about who was today coz like was quite crowded and split up...so anyway... Congratulations to Kok Hao and Kai Wen for being Holy Spirit Baptised today! and also to the rest whom I either forgotten or dunno about...sorry hor..when I find out le then post again.
Final teaching today was about worship by Priscilla. I learnt the most from this I think,like erm...my methodist friend said...we should not worship music but God,so long as its about him..who cares about what song we sing. Music is a way to worship God but worship is more than that. And ok maybe sometimes I say I like this song or that better than the others...but overall I'm still focused on God ok? Just to clear up the misconception...lol.
As exciting as this day was,its just gonna get more exciting! After a long dinner break,we went for the Metamorphosis Concert!!! There's nothing like praising and worshipping God with your bros and sis...especially when there are so many new bros and sis. Had a real good time!
Overall though...kinda tired...lol...expected..now that this is over...got to go into mugger mode overdrive to get ready for Prelims...but just to reassure...God remains my first priority,not gonna sacrifice my faith for a cert...but not gonna get a lousy cert either.. Amen!
Ending note: Why search for close friendship in people around you,who are imperfect when there is God,who is perfect and is always with you.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
TIME: 12:27 AM
On and off these few weeks this problem has been holding me back...no more... this time I mean it, if its not solved after such a long time it will not be solved except through the Grace of God and that's exactly how I'm going to leave it. I will no longer let this problem stop me from giving my all to God, neither will I let it take control of my life. Even if it hurts.
Anyway on to much much more positive things(which I should do),today went kovan mac to mug,supposed to reach there at 10 ended up reaching there at 12...lol.Managed to solved a mathematical induction question that luke can't solve...feel so proud that I'm finally picking up on some maths topics...though vectors and series and alot still out of my reach... but one step at a time...lol. But there not very condusive... so think tomorrow must go back cheng san already...even if might get chased out...lol... add spice to life man.
Can't wait for thursday.I will learn so much that I never know about I think,and games should be fun and the concert should be awesome!
Back to the first issue, I really gonna forget about it.And if i forget to forget and end looking seriously down...someone please tell me move on ok? I'm not gonna waste anymore time that could be used to serve God to think about such depressing matters that can't be solved by me thinking about it...its entirely out of my control anyway... if it means losing something I've been coverting for the past few weeks...well...by coverting it means that it was never mine to begin with...so no more shall I be in want, for God is with me even if that isn't.
Maybe someone will be smart enough to know what I'm talking about...
ciao
Monday, September 05, 2005
TIME: 12:32 AM
Ooookkkkk! I'm like so slack today.....haiz
Fri---GP prelims...Xuan man... My favourite topic(Arts) came out to be some tough undoable question...and I didn't read closely enough to write the information question...lucky Mrs Leow went through the youth question quite a few times so i think i did ok... Thanks God for her. Paper 2 though...was some tough paper...Couldn't finish one short question and i think my summary points was kind of screwed up.... and AQ content wasnt balanced properly coz I spent too much time on the rest of the question.... Xuan man...lol...but i think can pass lar...
Sat---woke up at 8...and continued to sleep until 9...by the time i reach bk was like...10 already...only had one hour to study...then went for prayer meet.Service after that was cool man.This week still on the series God Is Closer Than You Think...and like wow...it answered alot of questions I've been having...and during altar call they played Draw Me Close,which for some reason is one of the few songs that hm...lets me feel the presence of God more easily I guess...dun really know how to put it...
After that and lunch...where I started a fruit only meal...and a whole lot of poser pictures taken...went for meeting at RC...long time since I went...missed it...lol. Meeting was quite long though...all the way until 730... but who cares.lol! Went home to eat a whole chicken...lol
Sun---Slacked the whole day...I'm guilty
I'm also guilty of leaving that bookmark in my shirt pocket....argh....xuan man....lucky Calvin not angry with me. Phew...lol. Got to do something to make it up to him...lol
Going to make sure I mug full steam tomorrow.
Can't wait for Metamorphosis on Thurs...so much I can learn that I dunno abt...even if it is for new believers 4 months and below...but hey I'm like only one month older lor...still got lots to learn and experience and grow...lol... can't wait!
Ciao
Thursday, September 01, 2005
TIME: 10:13 PM
Haiz...prelims tomorrow..GP...AHHH!!!!
Why am I so worried?I'm not...lol...it was just a erm...I dunno what it is...probably a delayed stress reaction...or maybe I'm just plain insane...yeah that might be it...lol.
But really I'm not worried...why not you ask? Cause I know I will do my best...and that's all that's needed.That and my faith in God of course. Tomorrow I just have to focus on doing it,and let God do His work in me..if it's meant to be for me to go NUS I will,if not...I'm sure I'll find what I'm meant to do...That's why I'm not worried..lol.
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" Matthew 6:34
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; Knock and the doory will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7-8