Saturday, January 27, 2007
TIME: 11:57 PM
Yet another week has passed.
The dance for D&D, getting harder. So I'm not exactly sure how well I'm gonna do. Probably miss some steps and look a little dumb. But leaving it up to God on that day, hope He blesses me with amazing dancing feet. Haha.
Service today was at the same time good and bad for me. It was really bad for me cause I had no visitors. To have no visitors on a ESS really makes me very miserable. There's like this burning feeling of frustration. Like "How can this be", and why questions starts to fly around in my mind. Well, I know that I didn't put in as much effort as I could have, tied up with all the other activities I have going on. So probably that's why I'm visitor-less today. But I'm determined to change this for the next 2 weeks. At least 1 for each week. Best is a total of 4, 1 for each service. Tiring but I'm willing to do it if God will bless me with these 4 visitors.
Service was good today cause God spoke to me about something that I've been struggling with for quite awhile now. I always had some problems with pride. I'm not arrogant, but I'm not exactly humble either. Wondering what people will think of me always limited some of my actions. I knew long before that other peoples' opinions shouldn't be a factor in my decisions but what the head knows may not be what the heart knows. But today, God told me this.
"Why does it matter what people think of you, their opinions are flawed because they don't know you the way I know you. Cast aside your desire to be great in the eyes of Man. Even if all were to turn against you, I will be with you, if you want to be with Me. Place your faith in Me instead of others, and you will be blessed with my love, my unfailing love." I cried from like the start of worship all the way till the end of service.
Think my faith in God still remains shaky, there are times I rely on Him, but there are times when I rely on myself only. I need to change that. To always remember that He is walking right beside me all the time and that He wants to help me through each and every day of my life. Also, think one of the the reasons why I only put my relative 100%, instead of my absolute 100% effort into outreach is the pride thing. Always thinking how my friends will look at me, and what they will think of me after I try to share the gospel. Sure I've breakthroughs in this areas, and these breakthroughs really encourage me to keep trying. But after today, I'm really not satisfied with myself. I wanna to change this and I must remember that in order to do this, I gotta rely not on myself, cause that will just make me self conscious. But to rely on God, cause then I'll have limitless courage and skin so thick I'll never be embarassed.
I know I've been going on about courage for a long time now. But another promise of God that I hold close to? God never gives up of people who really want to repent.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
TIME: 9:39 AM
Ah. So tired that I fell asleep trying to blog yesterday.
Anyway, finally cooked the 2 fishes me and Alvin caught yesterday. Well I cooked 1 lar, baked fish in herbs and lemon butter sauce. Alvin cooked the steam fish and veggies and tofu. So actually I didn't do much. Shared the joy of food with Zijie Chunjin and Chengxiang. Think I was a bit overboard with the herbs but for a first timer, not bad. haha.
well gonna prepare to go service. cya.
Monday, January 15, 2007
TIME: 3:56 PM
Ah... almost one week I never blog again. I'm losing it. Haha.
Well nothing much happened on wed that I could think of...
Thurs: Actually wanted to run, but who knew that the next big rainfall would occur then. Really irritating. The stupid rain drenched me entirely. Destroying some papers I had in my bag and making my sermon notepad look like it's about to disintegrate, my munchkins box got wet too but at least the cards weren't wet. My bible got slightly damp but think it escaped unharmed. So instead simply watched Night At the Museum with Gary Lester and Glen. The show was typically funny. Not senseless like in Scary Movie but with moral value, like there are great ppl, but there are also ppl who have been entrusted with great responsibility, and they can be great if they are determined. Something like that lar. So yeah I give the show a 3 out of 5? I like the parts with attila the hun and the monkey.
Fri: The rain still hasn't stopped. But at least this time nothing happened during the GOH. So maybe my down time is over. Hope so. But unfortunately on my way home, slipped on a step and fell into a puddle of water. drenching my second pair of socks and shoes. But this time i wrapped everything in my bag in a poncho. So yay, nothing important got wet save me.
Sat: Woke up at 7, but finally got moving at 720. Met Desmond and Zijie to go choir auditions together. It was a very stressful time. I couldn't decide on a song until like 15 mins before the auditions. Anyway sang Oceans Will Part by Hillsong, such a lovely song that I love to hear when I'm a little discouraged. I wobbled on the high notes due to nerves, but I think relatively ok lar. Not that what I think is important, what's important is that I give my best and that the auditioners think its good. haha. After that rushed to oceania room for seeD meet. Only to find out that I'm early, wow. Following that, service! Reinforced that point about why God has to discipline us sometimes. After that, a quick rush to america room for central gathering. Turns out that america room can no longer hold the entire central so daniel had to split the district into 2 for 2 different time slots. wow. Next year pray can have whole central together, but no in america room, in nexus itself. After that a quick dinner nearby and some dota. And a very long chill out session involving some abandoned people. haha. took the very last train home, super tired long day.
Sun: Still raining, maybe God wants Noah to build the ark again. Headed to Desmond's house for my guitar lesson, where i learn songs that I've forgotten how to sing but now know how to play... After which headed over to Cathay's billy bombers to celebrate wee kiat's bday with the cg. They didn't have my original sin chocolate cake, which basically made my meal incomplete. But the celebration was quite good I think, since I've never done it before. haha. Gave wee kiat an espirit umbrella and a bible. Then played dota(again), but this time I felt as though I was playing a completely different game from the rest. My warlock/razor was pushing the bottom like nobody's business but no one really came to stop me. Nor did I kill anyone. Actually quite sian.
Mon:Oh that's today. Haha, not over yet but i blog the morning first. When fishing with Alvin in the morning, caught 3 fishes between the 2 of us. Not bad for my first try. But not telling where we fished. Gonna find a day to cook them and eat. Really enjoy hanging out with my SB, very relaxing. Anyway, hope the weather will turn well later, or I'm not gonna be able to run again...
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
TIME: 10:29 PM
This post is in honor of Mokky's request. Haha.
This week I've been quite down on my luck. By this week I mean since the last post till now. First I almost collapsed during a very simple parade on the very first day back to camp. And today my instrument decided to break, followed by a hit on my head by a very low ceiling. I think that place and I aren't very good friends now. Haha. But other than that work seems quite ok lar. I just hope I'll get the momentum for work and outreach up and going in like 1 day or something.
I wonder if making a resolution to lose 10kg is such a good idea. It makes me feel guilty everytime I eat something sinful, then again, its sinful then I should feel guilty... but whatever. Anyway, went out with Zijie Gary and CX yesterday, apparently to see Zijie cut hair, which turned out to be not very cut... My first sinful food came from there, Fried Mars Bars! Drools. Haha. Nice, but ergh, all that chocolate is just gonna stick to my hips. And to make matters worse, we adjourned to Marina square where we passed by the oh so tempting Godiva and the chocolixir! Drools more. Haha. Had a white chocolate raspberry. Oh my, it actually has real chocolate chunks in it, white chocolate chunks in a white chocolate blend. argh. I think i gained like 3 kg just in one night. So glad I'm running on thurs.
Finally got response in ministry. This sat got auditions for choir... ahhh... stress... God help me and give my courage to be able to sing in front of others.
Think thats all for now. I'm feeling strangely happy now... wonder why.