Thursday, November 17, 2005
TIME: 11:22 PM
It's been a long while since I last blog mainly coz of A levels...ah...about to leave it soon and enter the embrace of NS BMT...sianz...haha.
A levels was not what I expected...i never expected it to be this easy and difficult at the same time. I never expected myself possible of breaking down because of it. I never expected a whole lot of other things that I shall not mention at the risk of boring readers who come to read my boring blog.
But as this draws to a close...i dun want it to... coz then in just 2 weeks time I will end up in a totally new environment of NS...and seriously...this scares me... Me...the person whos so slack that the slowest tortoise can surpass me in speed....going to a place of extensive training... Also, in order to do this I'm gonna end up being deprived of all contact with friends since I'm the only one who's going in on the 8th... no one following me... and the prospect of this scares me... I haven't even settle all my friendship problems and I'm gonna just leave it all behind by being thrusted into a situation thats so foreign I expect it to be speaking Greek to me. So like theres so many things that i want to do in 2 weeks and its getting a bit hard to breathe when i think of all these things...things that must be done after A's...like trying to bridge all those gaps... buying all those stuff... doing all those things...I feel like I'm gonna jump off the deep end of the pool not knowing how to swim.
I guess this is gonna be a test of my faith. Will I end up drowning in a pool of whatever because my faith is weak and not strong enough to withstand the test...or am I gonna make it through and come out stronger? Seriously this kind of thing...only time will tell... in my nascent time(wonder if i used the word correctly...) I've seen things that totally differ from my expectations... So I seriously dunno the answer to that question...and my ignorance is scaring me. Like this should have been settled like maybe a month ago...so why am i worrying...maybe its not as settled as i thought...gonna have to think about that....but in the mean time...I'm clinging on desperately like a drowning man does to a life preserver to the definition of faith. The hope of achieving what cannot be seen at the moment...the trust in the unseen...the belief in God. Amen.
Just gonna have to make the most of my last 2 weeks as a free boy. Hoping to make my bitter loneliness go away before I delve into the depths of depravity in NS... thats the main thing I hope to do...and SOW... and go for prom...and one day of camp... and finish X-men legends 2... and go band for a day... and excercise... and...
Before I depress myself and end up breaking down again...I'm just gonna end with a nice song I found from Destiny's Child. Every now and then they do get a meaningful song out...which is why they remain one of my favourite girl groups...maybe the only one.... since there isnt much thats nice that haven officially broke up...
Stand Up For Love By Destiny's Child
[Beyoncé]
There are times I find it hard to sleep at night
We are living through such troubled times
And every child that reaches out for someone to hold
For one moment they become my own
And how can I pretend that I don't know what's going on
When every second with every minute another soul is gone
[Chorus]
And I believe that in my life I will see (ooh yeah)
An end to hopelessness, or giving up, of suffering
And we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and hear me sing
Stand up for love
[Kelly] I'm inspired and hopeful each and every day
That's how I know that things are gonna change
So how can I pretend that I don't know what's going on
When every second with every minute another soul is gone
[Chorus]
And I believe That in my life I will see
An end to hopelesness,of giving up, of suffering
And we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up for love
[Michelle]
And it all starts right here
And it starts right now One person stand up there
And the rest will follow
For all the forgotten
For all the unloved I'm gonna sing this song
[Chorus]
And I believe that in my life I will see
An end to hopelessness, of giving up, of suffering
If we all stand together this one time
Then no one will get left behind
Stand up for life
Stand up and sing
Stand up for love
For love, for love