Made brand new.

2009-03-04T23:31:00.003+08:00

I just had a talk with the devil today. He was very persuasive. He doesn't tell you outright what to do, instead, he hints here and there about what might be or what might not, and left me to my overactive imagination to work out the rest.

The devil is a resourceful little devil (pun is intended) who knows how to get to all the little cracks in your defenses, and push in a little doubt here, a little self-pity there. Basically, he got me questioning about the usual things that I have issues with, why be selfless when others are selfish; why not hurt others and feel good instead of getting hurt and feel bad. The next step was to list out bad points of about people close to me, and start getting all judgmental.
Now at this point, I was getting emo so I turned on emo songs.

So I was basically emo for the 2 bus-stop rides towards the mrt. And I was waiting for the train when the Holy Spirit nudged me. Now the Holy Spirit is similar to the devil in that He doesn't command you to do anything, instead he nudges you. What's different of course is that instead of trying to get you to think about how bad life is, He gets you to think about how good God is. So well naturally in an emo state.. you don't wanna think about what good points God has, because basically you're thinking, all of this crap was given by God, so how good can He be.

So as part of a evidence gathering kinda thing( Sub-D topic), ol' HS suggested listening to the This is Our God album. Now normally in emo state, christian songs aren't exactly the kinda things you wanna hear and up until recently, I reveled in emo state, it was just how I am. But fortunately, God has been working on me to dwell a little less in the emo and a little more in Him.

So to cut the long story short, I started listening to the Desert song, very good song to hear when you are emo btw. And after awhile I felt better and decided that I might as well make a little prayer. And now normally in emo state, skepticism runs at an all time high and even if God were to appear in person, you'll think its just a trick of the mind. But like I said, God is working in me. So anyway, about 5 mins after my prayer, a miracle happened and I patched things up. Now I don't know how that happened, but considering the time frame, I'm guessing that God had a hand in it. And so I felt all that better, and I'm really really all happy that I didn't do anything that I would have regreted.

So to end off, I really thank God today, He really came through for me, even when I was off tangent. And today really felt like a breakthrough day. So basically Ha! you useless devil, take that! God is stronger than you!

This post is adapted from my private blog. :P Sorry but I'm not thaaat open :P

2009-02-20T11:38:00.001+08:00

I have 4 people to thank for helping me through this hellish week. yeah I can't say its hell week coz i actually know people who went thru that and they probably wun agree with me. But thank God for Rayson who spent hours on mon getting me to cheer up. Nic for constantly checking up on me and Minghan for praying. And Yinglin for well being the same and talking crap with me like... almost everyday.. lol

2009-02-15T22:00:00.002+08:00

haiz... horrible week... I've been extremely destructive.
First my harddisk blew a fuse and therefore im restricted from using my 300gb worth of entertainment.
Then I backed my car into a pillar resulting in what could only be described as a been smashed by a giant fist dent on the back of the car...

Life sucks...

2009-02-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

Whoo! My first run of the year... involves 1 round around NUS... started at 12am... ended at 1245am... lol... go figure how slow that was... but at least I tried right? lol.

2009-01-20T10:01:00.002+08:00

Anddd Now! for the long awaited next post! The new year resolution'09! Lol!

A word from our sponsors!
That word for this coming year is..... You(i.e. I) need to grow in love for people.

As such, in first place for my new years resolution:
1) Carry out practical steps for growth in that area.
- Grow in love for God ->do more QT. Love God love people, you don't love God enough how you love people.
- Widen concern scope. Dun be concerned only for people I wanna be concerned for, be concerned for others also.
And that's 2 simple steps I wanna do this year.

And now in second place:
2) Pull up my CAP by 0.6

3) Eh... start running. (And no this is not a reason for people to jio me to go run.)

4) Save more money. For missions and for a soprano sax. For less spiritual purposes also, like get an iphone and a ps3. Yinglin if I strike lottery or something then I'll get an iphone for you too so you can stop asking for it. Lol!

5)Get a simple pass for IPPT( 11th mar) so that I dun have to do RT.

I think 5 is enough... I dun think I can carry out all. Notice that I've left out losing weight from the resolutions. After 3 years, I've sort of given up on that.

2009-01-12T11:16:00.004+08:00

wokay... first day of school and I was almost late. Lol. So not a good start to the new year. Yes my new year is not the 1st of Jan for what I hope will be the next 4 years. It shall be the start of school instead. Haha.

2008 has not been the best of years for me, be it spiritually or academically. Sure there are definitely good points about it. But there have been a lot more weeds, regrets and such, than there have been flowers.

Flowers first.

Think one of the best thing that happened to me spiritually was during the JUMP concert. That was the time when I saw the glimpses of Heaven when I was on stage. It was really something to see the endless stream of people coming through the arched gates for the purpose of coming to worship God. And to see be able to see the thousands( looked like millions) of hands raised in adoration to God, united by Jesus, is really to see how heaven would be like.

Another thing was to be healed by God's grace during the healing rally. Although it was not yet a full healing of my backache, the very fact that I felt less pain after praying was a miracle in itself. I had actually been pretty skeptical about miraculous healing despite reading or hearing about it. But after seeing the healing rally during that Thai camp, it gave me faith enough to trust in God for healing. And by the grace of God I experienced it during the healing rally. That really helped to boost my faith.

I was also blessed by God when it comes to some relationships( by relationships I mean friendships:P) this 2008. I really thank God for placing good friends in my life at the most crucial times so that I would not stumble because of the circumstances around me. Especially people like Alvin and Yinglin. Lol. But no thanking anyone on this blog this year. If not I got nothing to write on the bday card.

But despite all the blessings that I've received. This year has been pretty stagnant spiritually. A better description would have been going over the mountains and valleys. Or roller coaster. As many times I've experienced growth, I've also gotten a lot of set backs that brought it down a little. Resulting a whole load of problems which I still don't really wanna go into....

Haha. I think I shall continue this another time. Emo le...
Up next, new years resolutions.

2008-12-28T01:22:00.002+08:00

Christmas is over... awww.... unfortunately i still have about 16 Christmas cards unwritten... so they can be new year cards for all you lucky people about to get it :)

Anyway, lets go about the shallow things before heading over to the deeper end... lol. I got very few cards this year... sad... this means either that ppl have no time... or I've been extremely anti-social this year... ah well... also few gifts too(2 to be exact).. but thats to be expected... lol... anyway the best present given awards naturally goes to yinglin since the wallet is more expensive and exactly what i wanted... but Miner takes away the super cute present award with that super cute bear clip. haha. Thanks to both of you for the presents. Also thanks to Yinglin Miner Guanrui Jiehui Yili Derrick for your cards. :)

Anyway this Christmas, did not felt like christmas until last week. And I really thank God that I got refreshed just in time for the Christmas service and carolling. Can't imagine what would happen if I didn't... probably call in sick...
Despite the fact that my CG had no visitors, I still really enjoyed the day. Sure having converts would have definitely made that day even more memorable, but God is good! and God gave us that time to be refreshed for the new year, which I believe would have a greater leap of growth both in the CG and in our personal walk with God.

Now is not really the time to be reflecting on this year since its like 1 plus... but I do think that the area in which God intends to work in me for the next year is love for people. So do keep me in prayer :)

Sad point of this post... my cap only 2.4....

I should have....bah, humbug!

2008-12-16T22:38:00.003+08:00

Well I haven't been blogging, haven't been doing much of anything either.
I should have gone all out for a celebration of after exams, but I didn't.
I should have really tried clearing out time for chlamp and enjoy the fun and carols, but I didn't
I should have started writing Christmas cards, but I haven't.
I should have lots of fun, hanging out with friends, but I haven't.
I should have been really psyched about Christmas, deciding what I wanna wear, what gifts my friends would like, enjoy good food, but I just ain't.
Somehow this year just doesn't have that Christmas feeling to it. To everything that comes my way, I sent it off with a "bah, humbug!"( To the more chinese speaking inclined, thats a "This is lame why am I considering doing it.) Basically I'm turning into the grinch.
I dunno why, but I've lost my Christmas spirit. Bah, humbug!

Oh for an university musical...

2008-11-06T23:03:00.002+08:00

Watched High School Musical 3: Senior Year with Rays yesterday and currently being brainwashed by the insanely catchy songs. Lol. Wonder if they place subliminal messages in the songs... Anyway, totally love it. Sure the plot was predictable, but hey its a musical, plot is not the most important thing. Despite the predictability, I got so sucked into the plot. Think it was the fact that we all went through high school so on some levels the movie speaks to me. So now I'm like really sad 'cause that ain't gonna be anymore high school musicals. If only there was a college musical or something, but it'll probably not be as exciting.
If only my life was like high school musical... Imagine you can do sports and star in a musical, have a serious relationship, and still turn up with good enough grades to go to places like Stanford... Like how cool would that be. Instead of the no life JC schedule, you play and play and play and go to an Ivy league college. Lol.

But ah well enough daydreaming about what cannot be, it's time to daydream about what can be... lol... hm... I can't think of anything... darn it... ah well... time to sleep for maths lecture tomorrow...

2008-10-28T12:48:00.002+08:00

Hai... I came all the way to HQ intending to do work, only to realize that everything I need to do work is left back in my room, don't see much of a point going back to get them since my lecture is gonna start at 2... so ah well... what shall I do? Blog. Lol. And later go read some lecture notes or something.
Lol. How quickly my refreshing weekend has passed, now its like back to my old state of stress and despair... it's a really sian feeling. So much to do so little time. Lol. If only I were Joshua and can pray for God to stop the sun from moving. Yeah God don't let the sun go down on me. lol.
Wondering how uni became so hard....

2008-10-27T23:47:00.002+08:00

Ok quick post before I need my rest. Haha. Been a relatively good week this week, finally. Haha. Managed to spent some time with 2 very close but very busy people, Alvin and Yinglin. So like whoohoo. Haha. The 2 of them are like almost constantly stuck in camp so it was pretty hard to get them out but yay it is done, got to have dinner with them. Basically talked about anything and everything and both dinners were really great and enjoyable times. Still find it quite amazing that 2 people who are very different from me ends up being my spiritual buddy and my close friend. Lol. God must like jokes...
Anyway, I'm off to bed, resonance first years' song presentation tomorrow, basically means I gotta sing something I'm completely not confident in. God help.

P.S. David and Rayson if you're reading this I'm after the 2 of you to meet up too :P

2008-10-20T14:11:00.002+08:00

Bloggin now because my lecturer is making me feel sleepy. Lol. Think if I don't blog and go to sleep I get absolutely nothing from lecture. So here I am.(And if you think its because I'm lazy, it's not. Well I am lazy but I'm sleepy today coz I burned midnight oil to study, although I wonder why they call it midnight oil, what about all the other hours...)

Haha. Still feeling kinda depressed over my grades, also scored below average for maths and genes and society. Makes me wanna curse the guy who created the bell curve idea. Lol, but ah well... not dwelling on it anymore, very tiring to do so. Also cannot wait to get back my chemistry results, then I can collect them all, below average scores that is. Lol. This is dry humour... I think.

But enough on my sad academic life, lets talk more about my ministry life. Lol.
Restructure once again, lol. Back into an all-guys group, and here I thought that I left that back in NS group when I ORD but guess not. Still, it's fine, doesn't really make a diff, just have less girls and less people on the whole.

Ok I'll blog more again. Off to the wonders that is aluminium.

2008-10-07T11:15:00.002+08:00

Sian... In a really bad mood now. Just received my econs test results... 17/40... pretty much means fail... haiz... And I studied a lot more for econs than the other subj... Wonder what those will get... Almost wanna heck care inorganic chem le.... Haiz...

Depressed....

2008-10-05T23:58:00.002+08:00

Ok. Sick of studying for CM1111, after about 2 hours. Lol. So therefore, blog.

I think God made this week the let's play pranks on Shaun week. Lol. One entire week's worth of funny to other ppl incidents happened to me. Since there are so many though, I'm just gonna name 2 ok?
Firstly(sounds like essay now...), had all wed to prepare for lab since it was a public hol, which I did... I printed the lab manual out, the data sheet, wrote down equations and things to take note of. Also was very happy to see that it was pair work. So then I went for lab on thurs, sat down took out my lab manual and started reading again(see how well-prepared I wanna be?) So anyway, the girl sitting next to me(Huiting I think her name is.. lol I really can't remember) came and look at my manual and asked how come I had a data sheet. And with the dignity of being well-prepared I said that it was right there in the online web manual. Then she looked at her own, and looked at mine... and said:" This is CM1111 lab, how come you bring CM 1101 lab manual. Blur me prepared the wrong lab... So to cut things short, ended up looking at her manual for every step and ended up 45 mins late for lecture...

Next, forgot to set alarm on fri and ended up waking up at 930 when I had an 8am math lecture... but ah well decided to go study, so off I went on the nice A2 bus to HQ. Got out, went up saw Junyao and Edmund there, decided to join them and heard a tearing sound. Well whaddya know, my shorts tore... giving me a rather indecent slit... of coz major embarassment, but thank God I stay on campus, so took the nice A2 bus back to change. Then took the nice A2 bus back to HQ, only to realize that my lappie charger was back in my room. So what did I do? Took the nice A2 bus back to take it and the nice A2 bus back to HQ.....

Ah well, the good thing is that God did pull me through everything, with very minimal damages except to my ego and shorts... but haha God if you can see this, that was fun but let's not do it again.

2008-09-19T23:42:00.003+08:00

6 weeks into and I feel like I've learned nothing new!!! Die die die. Lol. Sian sia. Next week is already my recess week. and following that will be all my mid term tests. Totally feel unprepared for any of my modules. So with great reluctance, must say goodbye to my going to sarawak for STM. Must prepare for my CA marathon between the 29th and 30th. Ah SIAN!!!!!

2008-09-03T17:14:00.002+08:00

A quick blog since I have some time before I go for maths tutorials....at like 6pm... lol.
Went for the resonance welcome tea yesterday. Totally love it man. Haha. There are so many cool and interesting things for me to learn. And the possibility of the sound that can be produced? Amazing! Haha was mesmerized by seniors song presentations. Can tell that I'm really gonna enjoy myself there.
I also picked up some biblical principles... lol... A Capella reminds me of the part in the Bible that talks about 1 body many parts. In this case of course, it's 1 song many voices, but voices that have distinctive qualities that form a single beautiful song. That the lack of any of the parts would make the song incomplete. Unity in diversity and all that. Yeah. Cool right? Ok I'm rushing this haha gotta go le.

2008-09-01T22:50:00.001+08:00

Lalala. 3 weeks of no updates. Lol. Been busy in school, don't think I had a day where I had my evening free for quite awhile now...lol... and what did I do when I finally have this fairly free time to myself? I cleaned my room -_-... I truly have no life now don't I...

Anyway, week 3 of my uni life. Getting more and more slack, my tutorials a little laggy and I'm like late for all the morning lectures by at least 10mins... argh at this rate my goal for a measly 3.5 CAP ain't gonna come through. Gonna have to add a little more oil to my system. As such, I shall do a bit of planning on what to do and paste it everywhere in my currently neat and tidy room. Lol.
I also got into Resonance, the NUS a Capella group, after like... 2 rounds of auditions. I rox! Lol, big ego coming through. So that brings my cca quantity up to 2 with Recreational Archery. But hm... I somehow don't think there's gonna be much CCA points that I can get... Gonna have to figure out a way to get some extra points without sacrificing all my other stuff, like ministry, studies and relaxation time(not so much on this though) Cause I really want to stay in PGP next year, after all I believe that satan introduced morning lectures so that he can brainwash people in their semi-conscious state.

Anyway just a little bit on the Jump concert which happened on the 22nd of Aug. Haha, yeah its kinda dated now... Yeah love it, love the way God made it work, and love the revelations and glimpse of heaven God showed me. Especially when I was on stage waiting to start and watched the people streaming in through the gate. For a few moments the line seemed endless, just people, people and more people walking through an arch. And the few of us realized that when we see heaven's gates open, the people then will be streaming much in the way of now, only the number will be multiplied a hundred, thousand, million fold.

Well in view of the fact that I have unearthly lecture hours tomorrow I'm gonna end here and go to sleep, I hope...

2008-08-11T22:50:00.002+08:00

First day of school at NUS! First day of staying in hostel! First er... hm... could have sworn there was another first...

Anyway, had 2 lectures so far, I suppose its fine at the moment, although one lecture had an hour half long introduction... Hopefully that improves as the lectures go on. It felt strange going to lecture though, it's sort of like a alternate reality feeling... haha.. I desperately need to adjust to uni life.

Currently blogging in my modest room at PGP. Haha, it's a novelty, this living alone thing. Though I think it'll start wearing off in like 1 week or 2... But I did get a whole lot of new stuff... haha.. new speakers new printer new bag new alot to get ready for school and hostel living... so not really complaining much. Haven't got a chance to meet any of my neighbors yet though.. everytime I go out to the hall I see only closed and uninviting doors. Lol. Lets give it a week and see how. I do have a very nice view from my study window which I will post up soon.

Anyway, I'm off to bed, math lecture starts at an unearthly hour of 8am...

P.S. Found my wallet!!!

2008-08-07T23:54:00.002+08:00

ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!!

Ok enough venting already. Today, so not a nice day for me. Firstly, realizing that there simply ain't any modules left for me to take as my last module for sem1. Then leaving my phone behind in Europe room after pract. AND then, losing my wallet after getting back my phone... I was like ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!! ARGH!!!

So now that I've vented enough, I'm gonna start looking on the bright side of things, because looking at the bad side will just make me worry more. So thank God that I still have my phone. And I still have my debit card and ez-link card, esp the debit card. I was like on a cab already before I realized my wallet was missing so by God's grace, the taxi accepted nets. And I can still move around after. The only thing is that I won't have my ic matric card posb card and my guitar picks. which I should be able to live without for a couple of days. Now I just pray that it was really left in nexus and dropped somewhere along the way to the cab...because otherwise I'll be pretty much screwed. Aiyah... I don't feel like bloggin le

2008-08-01T23:09:00.002+08:00

Do you realize how easy it is to say " If that ever happened to me, I certainly won't act like this," but when it really comes down to it, you end up acting exactly how you said you would never act.
Lol. Was driving today and someone refused to give me way and the only thought I had at that time wasn't to turn the other cheek but "stupid stupid stupid, get off the road." And of course I remembered a time when I told others that if I ever drove, I would always remain patient. Lol. Shows how much I know about myself at that time.
Anyway, that got me thinking about how many other times I've said things like that, and ended up doing the opposite. How many more times will I be doing the same thing too. Obviously, we all know what's the right thing to do, but how often do we actually do it?
The other problem this may bring is that people who usually say this tend to think of those who fall into the temptation of going in the opposite direction as being weaker or less disciplined etc. Hence, being judgmental and prideful. This of course blinds them to their own flawed character because they are too busy being high and mighty( and yes I am one of them).
I was reading Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg, and one story struck me anew. It was a story about a single mom, raising a daughter with so many physical deficiencies that doctors don't predict that she would live. Now usually when we hear of this kind of stories, our natural answer when asked if we would do the same would be "Of course." But when you really go through it, would you be strong enough to say the same thing then? I don't know if I can but I do know that God can and did. He didn't just say to Man, "I love you and I would do anything to save you." and then not be willing to go through any pain for us. He proved His love and His word, but coming down to earth, through Jesus Christ, went through all sorts of things that would probably make me a blubbering idiot, and promptly died for me. And that is what I like to call, a God of His word. God shows us how insignificant words are without deeds. And how much one might have to go through in order to hold true to his word, to the love that he professes. So the next time someone asks you, "what if you were..., what would you do?" Don't be so quick to answer. Think about it first, be really sure. Coz not doing it would be an equivalent to breaking a promise to your unborn child, or to your friend, or even to yourself.

And wow, I wrote an essay. Didn't mean to actually.
Anyway, whee... I've gotten 4 of my modules settled. Doing Principles of modern Chem, Basic Inorganic Chem, Applied math to sci and genes & society. Lol. Anyone doing the same? Hopefully can get my last module done by the next round of bidding and I don't have to worry all the way till school starts. Lol.

Jump concert is coming. But still lots to practise, getting more stressed up by it. Haha, ah well, what will come will come. Do drop by if you're free on that day ok? It's on the 22nd of Aug:P

I realized I'm blogging always at vampire hours, so I think I better log off now...
I'm off... ok I'm off... I'm off... er... nvm

2008-07-29T00:35:00.002+08:00

God answers prayers. Although sometimes the answer isn't what was desired, but I do think that it's probably for the best.

Anyway, no O-week for me. Didn't have enough space for little ol' me. Lol. Guess I'm gonna have to rely on my natural charisma to get to know people when school starts.

Half dead from jump rehearsals, my fingers are like red from mashing of the keys. Lol. Such a difficult run for such a simple song. Ah well... just a few more weeks, better practice hard.

Gotta go NUS tomorrow. Cya

2008-07-27T00:02:00.002+08:00

It's only when you are truly faced with the circumstances that you will really understand what others in that same place were going through. It's only when you have to make this kind of decisions that you wish you could split yourself in two and have the best of both worlds. But I guess that would make things too easy and where would the challenge and commitment be then. Haha, never thought I would have to decide between attending orientation(and missing 1 jump rehearsal) and not going(and miss knowing people). But then I suppose God knew how smooth my life has been so far and sometimes I do need things to be shook up to see what's what. Now this might seem small to some, but truly I'm worried that the wrong decision here might have repercussions over the next few years of my uni life. There's nothing wrong with both of course, both are good for the advancement in the KOG.
But actually right now, there's really nothing much I can do now can I, except to trust in God. The more I think about it the more confused I get, and so, to God I place this, in trust of His plan for me. If He wants me to go, I'm definite He will find a way to show it to me. And yes I do know that this is quite obvious, but sometimes I just need to write it out to see how I'm feeling and what I need to do.

Well the good thing about next week is that no one can ever say that I'm slacking my life away, wasting my giftings or being apathetic in general. Lol. I basically have my week packed all the way until sun with SOW(that's Science Orientation Week) taking up almost half of it. And bidding for modules and matric will take up the other half with rehearsals taking up my nights. I'm actually excited for the week. It's been awhile since I've been this busy.

I'm actually feeling quite lousy at the moment... haha... being incredibly mel... I really do think that I worry too much about stuff. So I'm gonna put the memory verse for this week here. And I wanted to not refer to my bible. But oh well, I still haven't memorized it.

Phil4:6-7"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus."

P.S. Is it actually possible for a close friendship to backslide into a more surface friendship? Yes I do sometimes wonder about strange things.

2008-07-24T00:25:00.003+08:00

Whee! Been quite a tiring few days, what with all the overnight mahjong and symphonic band practs and all. But guess its better than not doing anything yeah?

Went for my first Alpha session today. Quite a hoot with the kung-fu panda game where we play marvel vs. capcom(a version of hai dai and i can't really explain any further) in kung fu panda style!
It's really interesting to be sharing and learning more about Christianity in such a big group, I mean, it almost feel like service, but its not... lol... I guess I'm just not used to it yet, but still a great way for people to know more or to start to question more. What's more, its not some dry apologetics kind of seminar. Think have to affirm the Alpha(?) team for putting in a lot of effort to brighten up America room and for all the superhero vid clips. The topic was Who is Jesus and they linked it to superheroes. Made it all interesting. Lol.

Anyway, have to start getting ready for the band pract tomorrow, which of course I'm not... lol... listening and writing out parts are a pain... so I appreciate anyone who does it and would like to do it for me too :P

Anyway, watched a clip during the Alpha session today about the bridge diagram and thought it was a very good and touching clip. Its about a bridgemaster who love his son very much but one day had to make a decision between killing his son, or letting a train load of ppl die. Think I'll leave it at that because I don't think words can do justice to the emotions you'll feel. It's really good :) somehow made the bridge diagram more serious and personal to me(yes I actually thought the bridge diagram was a little impersonal) But enjoy.

Think the anguish that God went through to save us through the death of Jesus would be much greater than that man, especially since God would probably love His son more than anyone ever could, so if you did feel something when you saw that man's face, how much more would you feel if you saw God right at that moment. Just something to think about.

2008-07-20T15:48:00.002+08:00

Man. This blog is sooooooo irritating, change template also got problems. But yay, finally got it going again. And I intend to do much more with it this time... hopefully.

Anyway, I've been going for the Go Forth Asians Missions Conference 2008 over the past 2 days. It's been really an amazing and enriching time. My eyes were literally falling out of all the eye opening experiences during the conference. All the time we talk about missions and preparation for missions, without really knowing exactly how much effort and time that we really have to put in so that we are truly prepared for Church planting. Throughout the conference, many after Church planters and missionaries were sharing how tough it can be out in the field. How mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually draining being in a different and sometimes hostile culture can be on you, especially when you're far away from home, family and friends. For a few moments in the conference I was actually telling God, "eh... I don't want to go le, send the person sitting next to me leh." But fortunately, by the end of day 2( or day 1 for me as the case may be), my inspiration for missions remains but the knowledge of what I need to do or prepare for has deepen greatly. I could say that I'm more determined? Not sure until the real tests arrive, but think as long as I keep faith in God, shouldn't be a problem.
Also, learned to appreciate Singapore more, which has to be God moving cause I'm so unpatriotic. So it really shows how much God can speak when you want Him to.

Anyway, school's starting soon, with possibly a whole chunk of school work to do. So it's like the nearer I get to school, the less excited for it I become. Lol. Be staying in PGP so can come visit me. And all you horrible people who say want to meet me and never plan outing one hurry go plan hor.

To end off this entry, quoting a line that I thought would serve to remind me of what I need to do. Got it from the conference but forgot who said it.

"The more you pump into your foundation, the higher you can grow to."

2007-12-28T17:50:00.000+08:00

Wow. No post for more than 2 months. Haha. I suppose people already stop visiting already. But oh well. I don't do this for the people anyway :P. Been quite busy with lots of stuff. What with Christmas, x29 camp, missions trip, ORD, etc etc etc. But Yay! They're all finally over. New year coming, new resolutions to make!

Anyway, thank you God for giving me so much this month despite my whining... heh. Think the word for the whole of next year would be "character" for me. Help me grow to have greater character - in the fruit of the spirit and in strength and in stubbornness for You. Help me live up to my namesake in compassion for the people too.

2007-10-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

Batch 67 in their last COG(well, for most of them :P).

Last COG, almost time to ORD. Almost gonna miss NS life, except that well, the whole not being able to bring camera phone really cramps my style. Not to mention the whole rank is all important crap... But oh well, just like 1 month more and I'm as they say, out of there. Lol. Rheeeee!

Gonna go on Missions Trip(short one) just before I ORD. So basically my ORD date is like pushed forward to 27th Nov. Although I only get my pink IC on 7thDec. Gonna go Manila with erm... Ok... I dunno whos going except Sida. But I'll share more after the meeting on sat... Haha. Share my objective for going too.

So stay tune. And Ciao!

2007-09-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

Er... wow... Very long never blog le... I just dunno what I want to blog about anymore... Maybe should do what people are doing and close my own blog too.

Anyway, busy period over. Yay. No more back to back parades. Can finally spend some time relaxing, instead of slogging it out in the rain and sun.

Anniversary and Jump also over. The thai band rox man. They have good everything. Their style of praise and worship quite different from ours. Theirs is very... free is the best word I can find to describe it. Can see how much they love God. Learnt a lot from them during the conference. And the Jump concert was a blast. First time I ever sang for a 2 hour P&W, let alone being on stage for it. And it wouldn't have been possible without God since we didn't know how to sing half the songs on that day. So since it was a success, who can we thank but God?:)

Anyone who wants photos come find me.

2007-08-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

What is a friend? Is it someone who I can see around where I study next time or work? Is a friend someone that asks me what the weather is like? Or is a friend someone that is around when you need one, someone who can drop almost everything(somethings just can't be dropped lar) to come comfort you when you need some?

I like the way Aristotle puts it. "A friend is a soul living in 2 bodies" (Yeah I know its not true but I can be politically incorrect can't I?) But a friend should be someone who can tell that something is wrong with you even when you say nothing. A friend is someone whom you can spend time in silence and not feel awkward, 'cause you're enjoying each others presence. A friend(or brother as Pastor Jeff puts it) is someone you can count on to ask you questions that make you think about what your goals and dreams, what your motives are. Hard questions. Definitely tougher to answer compared to a simple how are you, but something that helps you grow.

I have no idea what I look for in a friend as yet. I have no idea exactly how many of such friends I have around me. Well at least one lar, all Christians have at least one in Jesus. But how many more are truly friends of the heart and not friends due to circumstances(e.g. coz same school or same cg.), how many are friends that will last. This is just some food for thought. Like to hear what some people look for in their friends. If only to see what a friend really is.

Anyway, operation bear yesterday, very tiring being games leader, hope I don't have to be... haha. Can't go for missions trip end of this month... sian...

Would like to hear what you have to say about what a friend is :)

2007-07-25T22:55:00.000+08:00

Er... This is just a short post to keep my blog alive... Cause life's been lacking in anything really big and I'm just so tired these few days to think of anything to write... Oh well... Any longer and I'll be closing this blog down like lots of other people...

Mon had prata with Alvin, who seems to really love the idea of making me fat -_-. Ate bomb prata, which is something like butter and condensed milk I think. It's like really good, really fattening. But they overdid it a little in the condensed milk department.. which made it even more fattening... AH!!!!! So like, argh, more swimming is required. But anyway, I just love spending time with my SB. Always amazes me how much more open I am...

Tue - Went for Choir pract. Yet another fun-filled and too short session of my 2 passions combined. Really really glad that there's choir pract for me. It's like having another CG for me to spiritually refresh myself and it helps me improve in singing( like duh... no point going if it doesn't) But just real nice to be in Choir, know God, know people, sing. 3 birds with 1 stone. Lol.

Wed- I'm really tired... must rest. Cya

2007-07-17T16:41:00.000+08:00

I've no idea why I'm doing this. Maybe I'm just bored... It's instigated by Alvin's tag anyway :P

Please read the rules first: Each player of the game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged needs to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you'll need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1.I'm incredibly shy but really want to know more people. Which is kinda ironic, and lit students don't flame me for using ironic wrongly.

2. I want to live in a fantasy land of my own creation with people that I like and trample on people I don't. Such a violent weirdness. Worthy only of weird people like me...

3. My best buddy is like my polar opposite in a lot of areas. Still don't know what happened... Lol.

4. I want perfection in everything I have to do, but I don't want to do it. All hail my split personality. It's the evil half writing now. DIE!!!! Sorry, good half lost control of evil half for awhile.

5. I don't want to grow old. And there are some who do count this as some sort of mental disorder.

6. What can I say... I'm weird. That should cover everything.

Now.... Who shall I bless with this gorgeous game of fun and weirdness... Since I don't think this game can be returned to sender, gonna have to find some new blood. *Evil chuckle while mind schemes*....
And the next 6 weird people who are gonna get this wonderful game will be....
1.Peter(obviously cannot escape this)
2.Aquila(just to see if you'll do this)
3.Jon Quek(Heh Heh)
4.Shawn(How can I forget the smaller me)
5.Jem(I think you have no prob with this)
6.Alvin(You just go write 6 more weird things lor.... Muhahaha!)

Disclaimer:Everything written is 100% truth, so therefore, I am weird! Weird people tend to do crazy things, which is why there's this disclaimer.

2007-07-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

Wow... I'm online again. So happy. Haha. Should have unplugged my modem much earlier, then I would have suffered less withdrawal symptoms from the lack of internet.

Let's see what happened recently. Oh! Started teaching people again, feel free to ask me. It's free since I haven't the confidence enough in my abilities to charge anything. Lol. Other than that I suppose there isn't much. Gosh, how boring. Oh well. Tune in to my next post. I intend to make it something deep. Lol. This is just a filler.

Ciao.

2007-06-26T22:07:00.000+08:00

Whoa. So many things happened over the past week. I'm like super drained by it all. Haha.

Think due to all that late nights or no nights and various other activites, once again, and probably not the last time either, I lost my voice thanks to a pesky cough. But can't exactly say it was a bad thing... It did get me out of SAF day. haha. So yay. Thank God.

Then Peter dropped a bomb on me and Sida on thurs by saying we needed to share testimony on sat about the KL missions trip. Kinda panicked through the whole last minute work. Haha. But was really glad to share though, firstly caused that would be a sign that my voice was back. Also, it was nice to find out that I actually learnt so much, there's nothing better to find out what you learn than sharing what you learnt to others.

Following service really closely was the NS chalet. Which was like wow! 30 visitors! None from me. But it's still big. Think it was quite a big success and like really glad to know so many people. Hope to know them better and really praying for their hearts to be soften so that they can feel the love of Jesus through us. And maybe next time I can bring someone. Feeling greedy for God. Haha.

Watched 2 movies also. Shrek 3 with Alvin. It was lamingly funny. But apparently really few people can appreciate that kind of humour since most people said that it sucked. Oh well.

Watched Fantastic 4 too, not really worth the money in terms of plot. But seeing the silver surfer in action more than made up for it. Haha. Silver is so cool. But watched this movie alone because something happened, not much for sharing though, so oh well. At least it's not a repeat of dreamgirls. Hm... I'm still kinda sour about that, better stop before I become a lemon.

2007-06-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

Ah... back home again after yet another extended stay out of home. Haha. First Frontier Church Camp.

A lot of things happened during camp. A lot of it personal. So not going to write it here, only shepherd and sb can know. Lol.

So what other things happen? A whole lot of other things. Haha.
I'm kinda sleep deprived already so I'm just gonna do this quick.
The teachings were extremely entertaining and ministering. Not surprising considering the people doing it. Haha. Hope to see the testings in my life in the next 2 weeks so I can grow fast. :P Really want to start putting words into actions and denying myself completely.

Ah... Think forget it... I'll do the rest tomorrow with the exception to this part. Was having a 2 hour meet with God on the second night alone and God gave me this vision that really inspired me and hope this will do the same for others too.

God showed me this candle(me), the candle was made of white wax but had bits of sand and dirt(impurities) in it. Then the candle was lighted and glass bowl was placed over it. The candle was burning quite brightly, but because there were impurities in it, incomplete combustion took place instead of complete combustion and black sooty smoke was produced. The soot settled on the insides of the bowl and slowly obscured the light from being seen, till the point where the light was hidden completely. Then God took the candle and scraped out the parts with impurites, leaving the candle pitted, but this time completely white. He washed the bowl and removed the soot and relighted the candle, then placed the bowl over it once again. But this time, the candle burned completely and no soot was produced. And the flame was brighter than it was before.

Leave it to you to ponder on this for awhile, I'll write what God told me through this another time, this tired, I don't think I can finish it. Heh.
Good night.
Oh, Alvin if you read this... thanks for that really really early in the morning talk, you made me think of things that I never considered to think of, share with you what I think on our next supper trip. Hee.

2007-06-04T22:00:00.000+08:00

Ah... Finally managed to sleep on my bed after so many days. Haha.

Part II of stay at hope PJ: My thoughts and feelings. Lol.

Seriously I did not expect myself to go for this trip. Got all sorts of excuses... Not ready, too busy, too ex(well maybe not this), and to top it all off... not doing well. But oh well, in the end still decided to go for this highly last minute trip(think 2 days before departure then finalize). And I don't regret it. This trip really helped me grow in many areas, exposed me to lots of things, help me re-think alot of things too.

Like I said, wasn't doing very well before I left. Actually felt very stagnant in growth, but then thought maybe if I go on this trip, I might actually find a way past this. So following Holy Spirit prompting decided to try and take leave at the last min( think 3 days before leaving). Though I haven't even left yet I had already grown in faith(though I didn't know it at that time), really had to pray for God's intervention in the leave-taking, which wasn't easy coz of some miscommunication. But in the end, got it. Praise God.

Then the trip to PJ was interesting too. We decided to take 170 to JB and get a coach there instead of the usual take coach all the way. Quite taxing. I ended up praying silently that nothing will happen to us. And really thanked God when we reached safely. Met Joseph, Ngee Sun and Ben for the first time. Really nice people. I'm digressing to event sharing... oh well do that first.

First day- The 3 of them brought the 5 of us to have breakfast, prata. Really good prata. Napped at the brother's ministry house and then went to Pastor Simon Eng's house for the start of their youth camp. Had fun praise session in english and malay. Haha. Then aunty Lai Eng taught us 6 lessons in vision and philosophy(it's like a crash course). Had muffins and home baked waffles. Then went to the church to watch the "one Life" sermon again and Jiehui talked... not going to share what he talk about now, but as much as what he said was for the PJ youth. It affected me just as much. Had nasi lemak for dinner, got breakthrough in eating chili. Haha.

Second day- Left 4 of us since Jiehui gotta go back. Pastor Simon Eng taught us the last 3 lessons of Vand P(Like I said, crash course) after a rather taxing praise session(next time we really should bring someone who knows multimedia). Had chicken rice(very different from singapore's one) for lunch and Ngee Sun taught us about prayer. Then watched a video about Rena Maria, a girl who was born with no arms and half a left leg. A girl who did not succumb to despair despite her disabilities and relying on God, she became a champion swimmer, singer and a self sufficient person. Had pizza for dinner(got it within 30 mins or would have had a free pizza), and then had roti hawaiian(roti chanai with meat and pineapples and cheese in it) and ribena special(ribena with shaved ice, watermelon, rambutan and nata de coco) for supper. Very nice and very fattening. Argh. Haha.

Third and last day- Lead a game(marvel vs dc) and had an interesting praise(didnt use and instruements but our voices). Dental care lesson(Lots of things to learn there) and Joseph taught about The Bible. Went to a nearby chinese(?) restaurant for lunch. Then back. Nick taught first about why we evax, and I taught next. Almost turned to jelly, haha, very nervous coz it was my first time teaching in front of so many people. Then went for street E. Wasn't really fruitful coz of the location, but its a learning experience. Said cheery goodbyes and then rushed to a mall for vietnam food(dinner) and managed to shop for pants for Alvin(sorry but the rest didnt ask) in 10 mins, then rushed to the bus terminal, got some dunkin doughnuts and boarded, almost late. Then home.

Whee, hard to sum up 3 whole fulfilling days in so short a time.
Like I said I really felt that I grew in many areas, especially in faith. This trip had alot of firsts for me, first missions, first group teaching etc etc etc. And I really had to rely on something else apart from my otherwise cowardly self, therefore I just had to rely on God, and through that I saw His great strength, His unfailing strength. Also, every teaching, every video, just hit me in the head the way i wanted it to, to realized how God blessed me, why God wanted to bless me and what does God want to do in my life. Just look at Rena Maria, she lacks what most people have, yet she has more than what alot of people have. She has joy and peace, and can do more than what other people who have no disablities can do. God used her lack to show others His great power and blessed her with courage to get through her life, joy to enjoy it and peace to live through it. If she is blessed, how much more are we who have everything we need in life blessed? Looking at the situation in PJ, I see alot of constraints that we don't face here, we have no traffic constraints, we can practice our faith freely and the youth here is already well established. There I saw exactly how tough pioneering is, how much more taxing church planting might be. Yet so many people have done it through reliance on God. How much more could I do if I relied more. Even the lessons on the foundations of faith helped me although I already know what they were, they firmed my foundation and slapped me out of my daydreams and back to the reality of my spiritual growth. I felt God's presence throughout the whole trip and learnt so much. I just hope I won't forget it like I had before.
Thank You God for this trip, everything in it. Jiehui, Peter, Nick and Sida for being with me and helping me through my roles. The leaders over at PJ, Joseph, Ngee Sun, Ben, Lai peng, Ah Liang, Albert for making us feel welcome and going out of your ways to bring us around. Thanks for your sacrificial spirit. And finally the youth, Rachel, Shannen, Wen Li, Yoke Ching, Poh Ee, Derrick for giving us a chance to go there and blessing us as we hope to have blessed you. Thank God also for all these new friendships.

2007-06-03T05:20:00.000+08:00

Whee. Just got home from Hope PJ. A very fulfilling trip.

Some highlights. We basically rushed here and there the whole trip. Haha. Had lots of good food from the mamaks(I think it's spelt this way), with lots of interesting stuff like roti hawaiian, ribena special and roti prata that's not drenched in oil but oh so good. Lessons on vision and philosophy by Pastor Simon Eng and his wife, aunty Lai Eng. Dunkin Donuts. New ways of travelling to Malaysia I never knew and new friends.

This trip was really spirit filled. unfortunately i need to go to camp now so I'll update this tomorrow. cya.

2007-05-30T17:17:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling very stressed since my mind is going in many different directions. But let's just take this as a break from it all. Haha.

In approx 4 hrs I'll be off to Malaysia for 3 days mission trip. My first. Whee. I'm kinda insane at the moment. Yeah I'm hoping that this trip will do wonders for me. Really expecting alot from it. And expecting it to take alot from me too. haha.

I think I better finish packing...

2007-05-19T22:55:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy I'm home today. Haha. Finally can rest after a long day.
Woke up at 8 to go for breakfast before going for Shirley's seed meet. Then after that NS seed meet. I realized I'm rather slow in terms of my outreach... again... when will this end... haiz... God help me...

Following lunch, went for service. Pastor Ben preached today about the working of God's strategy. Which was in a nut shell, what God puts us through to help us grow, individually and kingdom minded-ly. I know I might regret saying this in the near future, but I hope God gives me some purposeful discipline. I think I need it.

After service was the most trying time of the day. Haha. Collecting camp fees is not an easy thing to do. Especially when your group is like 40 plus people. Haha. Ended up with like $1000 plus dollars by the end of collection. If i were robbed then, whoever who did would have been really rich. Apparently my tiredness created muscle spasms around my eye again. Haha. Misunderstanding at the info counter.

After the collection rushed to join my sheep for third service. Was really hit by the sermon, which was on favouritism. It's a subtle sin, one that most people probably don't realized they have. But usually, most people will tend to have it. Since we always tend to be attracted to things we deem important. Trying to alienate people because they don't fit in with your thinking or style or character or whatever that you might use to compare others with you is not only a bad thing to do to the person. It's also dishonoring God and preventing the great commission from being completed. If you choose who you want to share the gospel to instead of letting God choose... then you're hindering the advance of the kingdom. I never really saw this as a problem before. But today, eh... I need to go repent... haha.

Bought 4 cds(avril, linkin park, planetshakers and gifted-a christian american idol cd) at the price of $53. Thanks to gift vouchers and membership discounts. Haha.

Found out quite a few things that I didn't know from a chat with the guy at trumpet praise. I've actually been quite upset that Melinda got kicked out of american idol when it's pretty obvious that she has vocals that's way over the other 2 contestants(I was hoping Blake would go). But I think that being kicked out now would have actually been a blessing to her. While I knew she was a back up singer, I didn't know what she backed up for... and today I found out that she was backing up for some christian singers. And from the videos of her going back to her hometown church(I didn't get to see it, this is second hand info) She's very rooted in her faith and with the recognition she got from american idol. But yet with the freedom from the binding of a recording contract. She can actually sing gospel if she wants to. And I'll definitely buy her cd. Haha. So this is one example of how God will give you what is good for you and His kingdom and not what YOU THINK is good. :)

Gotta go. Turf Club tomorrow. Haiz...

2007-05-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

I actually dunno why I'm bloggin now.. sort of in a daze from lack of sleep. haha. But just to fill up a long untouched blog.

Went for Choir auditions(again), this time its centralized in church. So more tough. Haha. Super nervous. Hope I did well.

Paid for camp. Dunno why I paid full when i probably only can go 3 days. haiz.

That's about it. I'm kinda moody and dazy now. Sometimes emo happens to me very easily.

2007-05-05T11:50:00.001+08:00

Wah. Very tired now. Woke up at 7 yesterday and all the way till 4 plus today... sian. haha.

Had COG rehearsal first. Didn't march at all cause of the rain. Must be God seeing how long my day will be. :)

Went for driving after that. Based of the number of times I mounted kerb today. I wonder when I will actually be able to drive. Maybe in 10 years. :(

Following which, date with my spiritual buddy. Lol. Met Alvin at dhoby ghaut after a long walk from Cineleisure. All the while looking at the beautifully clear sky and the white bright moon(gotta have something to entertain me right?) Then walk with him somemore to eat chicken rice and tau huay. Didn't eat the tau huay cause we ran out of time. So da bao tau huay zui instead. Then we walk all the way back to cineleisure. Lol. I realized ever since I known Alvin my leg muscles are getting more developed. Lol. Watched Spiderman 3. Such a nice show. I think the black suited spiderman is really really cool. and the goblin's new glider also very cool. Lol. Then after that walk back to dhoby ghaut(I forsee legs of steel). While Alvin derived biblical principles out of the movie. Took my first ever night rider home. So much cheaper than cabbing.
Came home at about 3. But can't sleep. Cause got to do some UA stuff. As a result I slept about 4.20.
But still, its worth it. a day with much accomplished(I think), and time spent with my favourite spiritual buddy. Very worth. I just hope I don't fall asleep during service.

2007-05-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

Emo post. Haha.

I want to type alot... but I don't want to get anymore emo than I am now. So, summary. I have very very few very very close friends. I wish I have more. Cause it's just plain sad for me to find out that I actually can call so few people out for the sake of just going out. Or that people will just find time to talk to me without any other agenda in mind other than just spending time. Yeah. But I thank God for the very very few very very close friends that I have, they are the ones that keep me from going insane.

Central just got bigger with central north joining. Yay.

2007-04-26T21:30:00.000+08:00

Just watched american idol. The good news, Jordin aint out, Melinda aint out, Blake aint out, Lakisha aint out, Chris aint out and Phil aint out. Therefore, no elimination this week becuase of "Idol Gives Back". However, next week there's gonna be elimination of the bottom 2. Oh well. They have to fit into the schedule somehow.

Anyway, watching Idol gives back made me quite emotional just now. The many stories about so many different kids around the world(well, actually more towards America and Africa) suffering from lack of food, education, healthcare and protection from bad influences, just got to me. Especially the stories about this african boy and his sister. Both of them lost their parents at a very young age, and so they lived together in a "house" that's probably not much bigger than my room. Every day, they get themselves to school, clean what they have, cook what they have(which probably isnt much). And about 14 children, 3 of which HIV positive, living in a room thats about the size of a tent, sleeping on a mat. Then there are stories about children who die from starvation or HIV or malaria, simply cause they dun have enough or they cant get to the hospital in time.

Then I think about what I have now, I got food, shelter, security. I got air-con, lights, computers. And then I think about some of the things I've done. Like not consuming some of the anti-malaria pills army gave me for post bmt. Complaints about school. Whining about this and that. So I think, sian, God it's time for me to repent for like hours and hours le.

I don't expect my life will drastically change to show more compassion for the needy than what I have now. I don't expect to leave everything behind and go off to Africa on missions trips to help them. Cause it's not something that I can just decide and do it. I'm just not that ready for it yet. It probably sounds like an excuse lar, cause it sounds like one to me.

But I thank God because He has been making me aware about this part of my life for a very long time. The part of me that takes for granted what has been given to me. What I've been blessed with. Blessings were never meant for me to keep, but for me to share. Blessings were given to me so that I could be salt and light to the world, or at least to those around me. I never really saw that, but now I'm aware, so the next step will be praying for change. Then maybe I'll be able to better see where I fit in the plan that God has for me.

Btw, Carrie Underwood, Kelly Clarkson, Josh Groban and Annie Lenix(Not sure of her name btw) have such wonderful voices, they give me goosebumps.

2007-04-23T23:54:00.000+08:00

I dunno what I'm supposed to blog about. Asked to blog by Alvin... Lol.

Oh well. Life in band is getting more and more hectic now that SAF day draws near. I forsee many days of standing in the hot sun and getting many tan lines. But as long as I don't faint, everything should be fine.

Been reading up on the Virginia Tech massacre. I dunno how to put this...but when I read the profiles of the victims, I felt a deep sense of loss and sadness despite not knowing a single one of them. To realize that 32 bright lights have been snuffed out just like that. Some of the victims have so much potential. Some of them, scholars, choir leaders, athletes, or mix of everything. There were even some who have been active in going for missions trips. Yet after one terrifying morning, the world has lost them.
I sometimes wonder what it would be like at the last moment of life, what thoughts would run through my head. Would I blame God for this? Or would I accept that God has a bigger plan in which I wouldn't know till I met Him personally to ask. It might be easy for some people to say, but until I reach that point I supposed I will never know, I can only hope that my faith will never waver even at that final moment.

I pray that those who have left us will be able to find peace and rest in God. That their families might find comfort in God's mercy and that their wounds will heal in time. I can't say I know how they feel. Cause I don't. I can only say that my prayers are with them.

God, who foresaw your tribulation, has specially armed you to go through it, not without pain, but without stain - C.S. Lewis

2007-04-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

First of all. Happy Easter everybody! It's such a wonderful day. The day Jesus rose from His grave. The day He defied death and the day He gave us a living God to believe in. Ah. How wonderful it is to know that God is alive even now, every minute, every second, with us in the form of the Holy Spirit. Always ready to guide us, comfort us, and share in everything that we experience if we want Him to.

Easter service was great. Remember how I've been down for quite awhile. I think I'm completely refreshed now. I've felt the true love that God wants to provide and I wonder why I ever felt down. The acapella song "Beauty From Pain" was nice but I think the song that really pulled my heart strings was of course "Why". Actually even before that during sermon, I was touched by God. The sermon wasn't on anything very complicated. It was on a very simple fact that forgiveness and life transformation stems from a very simple truth. That Jesus loves us. He loves us in an unconditional, uncompromising, sacrificial way. To the point of dying for us. Of course if He just died then we'll probably only remember Him as a matyr. But He resurrected and showed us that eternal life full of love was ours if we could have faith in Him. It's just very... simple, so simple I think I've forgotten it. I'll try not to let go of this.
NS group grew by 1 also by God's grace. Haha. So happy Jason converted. And I didn't even say anything. Auto-conversion. Praise God!

Had central steamboat at marina bay. I assume its to celebrate Easter. Well, it was fun. Lol. But no seafood in a steamboat... a bit weird. Lol. Oh well.

Watched The Phantom Of The Opera with Alvin today. It's A-Maz-Ing! It's like watching a movie where everything from the music to the actors are live. It's so much better than the movie awhile back. It's practically magical. The way the cast can hold their notes even when they were pushed to the ground, or kneeling, or sitting, or whatever, as well as they do standing. It's like their tone never changes at all. Probably the highest standard in acting and singing. Lol. But the stuff they sell a bit overpriced. 25 bucks for a souvenir programme. Got a shocked. Lol. But its worth my money. Don't mind watching again. Lol.
Must really thank Alvin for both my birthday persent and the ticket to watch this.

2007-04-07T00:09:00.000+08:00

Yay it's Easter! I'm so happy! I'm like 2 years old spiritually already! I got visitor tomorrow! I got breakthrough! This Easter rocks! Lol~!

A lot of firsts this week. My first teaching, my first driving lesson. Very exciting. Especially driving auto. It's like a no-brainer. I completely didn't have to worry about any gears and stalling. Just drive and drive and drive. Lol. My first teaching... got nothing to say... Haha. Out of body experience. Completely got nothing to say except Thank God.

Easter tomorrow, after like months(?) of no visitors, I finally have 1! I'm like Whee!!!! Especially since the one who's coming I haven't seen for like 1 year. Contacted only through sms. Lol. Hope things go well tomorrow. Let there be triumphant sounds in the heavens above tomorrow. And this week there shall be guys as well as girls going down. Not just girls. Though no offense to girls. Lol.

Watched the number 23 with Gary, it's a somewhat disturbing show but quite a nice plot, a ok to watch show.

Choir photos are up for those interested. But I still cant upload. So check them out at the choir blog. Thank God for Jon Quek:)

2007-04-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna just blog a few short sentences today.

Sat - Choir finally on stage after weeks of practice. Think it was pleasing to God, can really feel His presence around when we sang. And that's really all that matters when it comes to a church choir. So yay, goal achieved for me. Also had the last CG for some of the ORD people, leaving my CG with 6 people. So Jem Junyao Ham and Mike, happy moving on. Dun miss me, but I'll miss you all. Heh.

Sun - COG, nothing special leh. Now I really hope it rains everytime so I can just go home early. Oh finally get to talk to Hong Kiat while waiting for the whole thing to start. Never seem to be able to find him before. Haha. Rushed a little to go meet Alvin, took a long time walking around before deciding to go for prata supper. Haiz, dunno what I did to deserve such a wonderful SB. Lol. Anyway, Happy Birthday Alvin.

I'm feeling a little lost. God please show me the way.

2007-03-28T16:01:00.000+08:00

Yay! I'm 20. Although I dunno why I'm celebrating. Hah. Oh well. Meant to blog last night but fell asleep at like 830 -_-.

Spent the day with my SB at pulau ubin. Went cycling through quite a few side paths, some of which had real beautiful scenery while the others turned out to be adventures. Alvin decided that some horribly dense trail was cyclable which ended up with me carry my bike over tree roots. Then we ended up at some abandoned chalet that looked rather creepy and no visible way out except back, at least until we bashed through a few trees. Then found a well much like the one sadako climbed out from. Turns out the trail wasn't meant to be walked or cycled, since it ends up in a restricted area for the police. Lol. Got big dog there. But at least the nice policeman showed us the way out. Cycled a little more on main roads this time. But had to cut short cause it looked like it was going to rain. So decided to go back to mainland. Overall tiring but fun. Muddy but fun. Lol.
Going there is like going back into the 70's, very interesting. Doesn't look polluted and very few people. Sometimes it's almost like just the 2 of us there. Really enjoyed that place and the company. Next people want to go please call me too ok? Haha.

I tried to post some photos but it seems that my connection very weak now lar. So another time.

Gonna be on stage in choir this sat. Ah!

2007-03-26T19:48:00.000+08:00

Just a few hours more and I'll be in a new era...haha.

Had a birthday celebration yesterday for yours truly during cg. Unfortunately I already knew what was coming beforehand because... er... nvm no gossip. I just knew lar. So therefore their surprise was spoilt, but not entirely. Haha. I didn't expect a birthday cake since they were already gonna start praying for me. But like I close my eyes and suddenly they start singing Happy Birthday again and open my eyes to a gorgeous chocolate fudge cake with strawberries- My favourite kind of cake. Got a really really big card. Think it's bigger than A4 size. Haha. Also something that I still have no name for, so I'm calling it the glass footprints which is actually a glass thing with the footprints story written on it- My favourite story. Felt very loved both by the cg and by God, cause they dunno these things were my favourite but yet they got it for me. Only show it's divine :)

Since I'm gonna be over the hill tomorrow(20 is old cause you ain't a teen no more) I decided that I cannot just pass this like any other birthday, I want to see my life have been changes for the better. Simply cause I've seen some changes recently around me that seem to be for the worse. But I know life transformation is impossible without God, yet it's hard to ask God for this since I have no idea what I want to change yet. So starting tomorrow, I'll be fasting for one meal a day(I really haven't decided which) for a week and pray that God will tell me what to change. And hope I stick to this fast. I really want to write more, but I don't want to get emo at the moment. Haha.

Didn't do much today, kinda wasted my time, but I hope my 11b will appear soon.

2007-03-16T11:29:00.000+08:00

Long time never blog again. Been kinda busy doing nothing. haha. Actually supposed to be having parades... but I've been on mc for 2 days and resting for another 2. And today off. So I escaped a whole week of parade rehearsals. Whee. But then, I remain sick, which is not a good thing, for one thing most people can't hear me speak since my voice is working at like... 10% efficiency. Terrible throat. Oh well I hope I'm well by tomorrow.

Watched 300 with Alvin, it's a relatively nice show. Though the first half hour of the show was extremely not needed and er... very M18. Haha. But the values in the rest of the show was prominent. We both enjoyed it.

Here's a minor blessing God gave me today that reminded me that God gives us what we need and not what we want. Was actually on my way to camp already, intending to take a cab down. But waited quite a while and no cab came. Was getting late and I was praying, God God quick quick send me a cab, any cab. I even tried calling for a cab and held for 15mins to no avail. So I was like asking God why, I don't want to be late and sign extra. Anyway, took a bus down to sengkang hoping that there were more cabs there. The moment I reached sengkang, I received a call from Zhihui saying that today off no need to go work! So evidently God knew that I didn't need to go to camp and to prevent me from wasting money and time, He didn't answer my prayer for a cab, something that I wanted at that time. And gave me something I needed, no cab. Haha. Thanks God.

I passed BTT, one step closer towards driving.

2007-03-05T20:27:00.000+08:00

I meant for this post to be a fiery one. One in which I will pour out every bit of flame I have within me. But turns out, I have no fire within me. All that's left, is blood that has been spilled from my hurts. And I'm gonna censor it now.

God, would You tell me what's happening to me? Am I being tested on this area in my life? Are You trying to tell me that something's not right? I wish You could just tell me now, if I was wrong, just tell me, I promise I'll change. But I can't take this anymore. Maybe I'm not relying on You enough. If so, would You please help me hold on to a faith that's so shaky. I don't need anymore hurt.

I watched dreamgirls today. Alone. Well I didn't start off the day thinking that I wanted to watch a movie alone, but oh well, at least I got my chance to do it and see how it feels like. The show was quite amazing in the vocal areas. Jenny Hudson and Beyonce are like today's powerhouses, amazing vocals. Plot... not so great, but its not boring, enough of a twist here and there to keep it interesting.

Think this post will be real short compared to the original one, but I guess it's a less spiteful post.

2007-02-27T00:20:00.000+08:00

I think I'm gonna be down with a flu soon, the way I keep sneezing and coughing.

Went to WAM vision night today. My first. It's really a undescribable thing. Not that we did anything special. But to see so many people gifted with talents by God really using it to serve Him. Wow. Haha.

I've seen the schedule for parades for the month of march. I can only say one thing... Time for me to go heaven liao... For every weekday all the way until 23rd of march I'm either gonna be at a parade reh or a parade. God please let me take off on my birthday so I can rest after the ordeal. Please please please.

2007-02-22T22:31:00.000+08:00

Jesus take the wheel. Take it from my hands, 'cause I can't do this on my own. I'm letting go(of me), so give me more chance. Save me from this road I'm on. Jesus please take the wheel.
Still not entirely sure why I've so down the past few weeks and still a little down now. But I at least know the overall reason. I've been relying too much on myself. Again. Still, I must thank God that He sent people to show this to me. Not only to show that I've been relying on myself, but to show that I'm ultimately human. Flawed and carnal. Prone to repeating mistakes, to exhaustion, to spiritual dryness. If I weren't prone to any of this either I'm a machine or I'm God. But then even machines break down at some point. And God too knows the value of a sabbath and rested on the 7th day. There are still more areas in my life that has yet to be accounted for. But I'm on the mend. Thank you Father for staying with me. And thank you Alvin for showing me some parts of what's wrong with me through our sharing.

Well CNY is over, no more visiting people, no more extravagant eats. I'm happy and sad at the same time(split personality again). But at least I can stop eatting alot. Got quite a bit of ang bao money this year. Missed the 4 digit mark by a bit. Oh well. Not motivated by money this year anyway. More towards bridging gaps between people. Think I did quite well in that aspect. Hope to do better as the year goes on. And if anyone wants me to treat because of my ang bao money. Don't bother unless there's a good reason, like I owe you something or it's your birthday and you're close to me or whatever. I hope to keep this money and buy me a better laptop next year for uni. Lol.

My shepherd and SB both in Thailand now. Hope they learn lots and buy lots so I can leech. Lol.

Thanks God.

2007-02-17T11:44:00.000+08:00

This week has not been the best of weeks for me. For one thing I've been feeling very down. So much that I actually almost blew up at my spiritual buddy, which is something I've never done to him before and a very long time since my last one. My thinking is that all the various stuff I've going on is putting a strain on my. But I'm not so sure, since I've yet to find time to reflect on it. Avoiding it for some reason that is beyond me. But I've already placed wed night free to do it. Just hope I don't push it back any further. Cause I just can't focus on anything right about now. And I don't want to lose any friends because I'm in a bad mood. By faith, I'm gonna get this fixed on wed.

Mon- Watched 3 movies during my working hours(Question: Am I really serving NS?). Saw Saw3, step up and borat. Saw3 was a OMG film. The close up on all that gore really made me lose my appetite. And the tortures they put those people through convinced me that the producers must have been a very sick sadistic bunch of people. Had to watch step up to erase the memories of that movie before I could even eat anything. Wanted to watch Borat but fell asleep halfway, maybe I'm not mature enough to fully comprehend the movie.Had supper with Alvin at Prata House, then at jalan kayu eat tau hui. After that walked from Rivervale Plaza to my house( People who actually know me may gasp now). Spent the whole time talking. Really luv my spiritual buddy, so understanding and encouraging. I felt better after talking to him. But feel so guilty I blew up. Yet again, he's understanding. heh. Spent QT at my house, in which I almost fell alseep since it was like 2 and I'm not my youthful self anymore. But I pulled through, God told me stuff, not gonna put it here. Fell asleep like about 3am?

Tue - ASLC reh. Ack. The RSM very on leh, do the rehearsals almost back to back. Almost killed me too. Went Chinatown with my mom. Found lots of those taiwan muai chee thingys.

Wed - ASLC parade. Nothing special. Felt quite lonely at night since it was V'day and I hear plans left and right from like everyone. Not just those with girlfriends of course. But many people have like gatherings. Unfortunately, the 2 budding plans I had both fell through coz of the other parties having more pressing committments. Can't fault them, shan't name them. I spent my night watching AI and Heroes.

Thurs - Played for a funeral. I never want to do it again. I don't think I can stand the sorrow that hangs over that place. Went to fix my phone too. won't come back till the 25th. Argh!

Fri - Last day of work before long break. Yay. Watched the trainees have their graduation ceremony. Put up an amusing rendition of She Bangs. Half Day! But not before the new Band B personnel came in. Yay! I got my tenor sax junior, who's actually older than me. But yet I'm more senior. Weird. Then rush to service. Pastor Jeff preached today, a refreshing change. Not that Shirley wasn't doing well, but haven't seen Pastor Jeff preach for a long time.

After reading through this post. It has occured to me that either I'm having split personalities or I'm so good at masking my emotions that I might actually become hypocritical. I need to do something fast.

2007-02-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

Yay! D&D is over! No more blisters on my feet.

The whole thing was IMO a big giantic success. Which should be obvious considering the large amount of time put in by the organising committee and the endless hours of practice put in by the various performing groups.

Reached Chevrons at 315 to help set up the whole place. It wasn't the big ballroom that I expected. But it was elegant in its own way. Especially when the decor ppl put up the masks etc. Wait a loooooong time for rehearsals to start and we barely had enough time to do a full run through of the dance, which naturally increased my nervousness.

Rushed to get changed into my nice 145 bucks pants and 80 bucks shirt. Looked a little too metro... but oh well. Mingled a little before we were finally let in to sit. Food was good, photo taking was good. Became quite cam-happy today. Took a huge number of photos. Enjoyed watching the various videos of the overseas trip last year. But very sad that I didn't win that PSP. Training Wing took the first performance, a little too soft to be heard. But it was relatively interesting. A cappella is not an easy thing to do. Band A came next. Senior Boon Poh can sing! wow! and the other(whose name I've forgotten) can join singapore idol already. Luv the tone of his voice. Band B came after that. Their recorder choir was nice to begin with when I heard it during the vetting. But with the keyboard. OMG! ultimate emotion tugs. Band C next, and if you have a superstar, I don't think you'll send anyone else. So Hong Junyang sang 2 songs. Most of which I didn't hear since I was dressing up. But what I did hear, wow. Amazing voice, and high too. Finally the moment we've all been waiting for. The finale dance. Was super nervous and uber paranoid about making mistakes. But thank God for the courage to see it through. The whole dance was electric and received a standing ovation after. Lt Aik Kee said the bosses were all very impressed by the dance(more offs!) The best part is, people were impressed with me. Haha( Observe head swelling). Yep so overall, wonderful job. Thanks to everyone in band B for making this happen. We rox.

Anyway, here's some of the photos I've taken today.

Management and assorted people :)

Me and Hong Junyang

Well I was going to put more, but its like 1 am now and I still have BTT tomorrow. So if you're interested. Go look at my friendster profile. I'll upload more there. cya

2007-01-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

Yet another week has passed.

The dance for D&D, getting harder. So I'm not exactly sure how well I'm gonna do. Probably miss some steps and look a little dumb. But leaving it up to God on that day, hope He blesses me with amazing dancing feet. Haha.

Service today was at the same time good and bad for me. It was really bad for me cause I had no visitors. To have no visitors on a ESS really makes me very miserable. There's like this burning feeling of frustration. Like "How can this be", and why questions starts to fly around in my mind. Well, I know that I didn't put in as much effort as I could have, tied up with all the other activities I have going on. So probably that's why I'm visitor-less today. But I'm determined to change this for the next 2 weeks. At least 1 for each week. Best is a total of 4, 1 for each service. Tiring but I'm willing to do it if God will bless me with these 4 visitors.

Service was good today cause God spoke to me about something that I've been struggling with for quite awhile now. I always had some problems with pride. I'm not arrogant, but I'm not exactly humble either. Wondering what people will think of me always limited some of my actions. I knew long before that other peoples' opinions shouldn't be a factor in my decisions but what the head knows may not be what the heart knows. But today, God told me this.
"Why does it matter what people think of you, their opinions are flawed because they don't know you the way I know you. Cast aside your desire to be great in the eyes of Man. Even if all were to turn against you, I will be with you, if you want to be with Me. Place your faith in Me instead of others, and you will be blessed with my love, my unfailing love." I cried from like the start of worship all the way till the end of service.
Think my faith in God still remains shaky, there are times I rely on Him, but there are times when I rely on myself only. I need to change that. To always remember that He is walking right beside me all the time and that He wants to help me through each and every day of my life. Also, think one of the the reasons why I only put my relative 100%, instead of my absolute 100% effort into outreach is the pride thing. Always thinking how my friends will look at me, and what they will think of me after I try to share the gospel. Sure I've breakthroughs in this areas, and these breakthroughs really encourage me to keep trying. But after today, I'm really not satisfied with myself. I wanna to change this and I must remember that in order to do this, I gotta rely not on myself, cause that will just make me self conscious. But to rely on God, cause then I'll have limitless courage and skin so thick I'll never be embarassed.

I know I've been going on about courage for a long time now. But another promise of God that I hold close to? God never gives up of people who really want to repent.

2007-01-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

Ah. So tired that I fell asleep trying to blog yesterday.

Anyway, finally cooked the 2 fishes me and Alvin caught yesterday. Well I cooked 1 lar, baked fish in herbs and lemon butter sauce. Alvin cooked the steam fish and veggies and tofu. So actually I didn't do much. Shared the joy of food with Zijie Chunjin and Chengxiang. Think I was a bit overboard with the herbs but for a first timer, not bad. haha.

well gonna prepare to go service. cya.

2007-01-15T15:56:00.000+08:00

Ah... almost one week I never blog again. I'm losing it. Haha.

Well nothing much happened on wed that I could think of...
Thurs: Actually wanted to run, but who knew that the next big rainfall would occur then. Really irritating. The stupid rain drenched me entirely. Destroying some papers I had in my bag and making my sermon notepad look like it's about to disintegrate, my munchkins box got wet too but at least the cards weren't wet. My bible got slightly damp but think it escaped unharmed. So instead simply watched Night At the Museum with Gary Lester and Glen. The show was typically funny. Not senseless like in Scary Movie but with moral value, like there are great ppl, but there are also ppl who have been entrusted with great responsibility, and they can be great if they are determined. Something like that lar. So yeah I give the show a 3 out of 5? I like the parts with attila the hun and the monkey.

Fri: The rain still hasn't stopped. But at least this time nothing happened during the GOH. So maybe my down time is over. Hope so. But unfortunately on my way home, slipped on a step and fell into a puddle of water. drenching my second pair of socks and shoes. But this time i wrapped everything in my bag in a poncho. So yay, nothing important got wet save me.

Sat: Woke up at 7, but finally got moving at 720. Met Desmond and Zijie to go choir auditions together. It was a very stressful time. I couldn't decide on a song until like 15 mins before the auditions. Anyway sang Oceans Will Part by Hillsong, such a lovely song that I love to hear when I'm a little discouraged. I wobbled on the high notes due to nerves, but I think relatively ok lar. Not that what I think is important, what's important is that I give my best and that the auditioners think its good. haha. After that rushed to oceania room for seeD meet. Only to find out that I'm early, wow. Following that, service! Reinforced that point about why God has to discipline us sometimes. After that, a quick rush to america room for central gathering. Turns out that america room can no longer hold the entire central so daniel had to split the district into 2 for 2 different time slots. wow. Next year pray can have whole central together, but no in america room, in nexus itself. After that a quick dinner nearby and some dota. And a very long chill out session involving some abandoned people. haha. took the very last train home, super tired long day.

Sun: Still raining, maybe God wants Noah to build the ark again. Headed to Desmond's house for my guitar lesson, where i learn songs that I've forgotten how to sing but now know how to play... After which headed over to Cathay's billy bombers to celebrate wee kiat's bday with the cg. They didn't have my original sin chocolate cake, which basically made my meal incomplete. But the celebration was quite good I think, since I've never done it before. haha. Gave wee kiat an espirit umbrella and a bible. Then played dota(again), but this time I felt as though I was playing a completely different game from the rest. My warlock/razor was pushing the bottom like nobody's business but no one really came to stop me. Nor did I kill anyone. Actually quite sian.

Mon:Oh that's today. Haha, not over yet but i blog the morning first. When fishing with Alvin in the morning, caught 3 fishes between the 2 of us. Not bad for my first try. But not telling where we fished. Gonna find a day to cook them and eat. Really enjoy hanging out with my SB, very relaxing. Anyway, hope the weather will turn well later, or I'm not gonna be able to run again...

2007-01-09T22:29:00.000+08:00

This post is in honor of Mokky's request. Haha.

This week I've been quite down on my luck. By this week I mean since the last post till now. First I almost collapsed during a very simple parade on the very first day back to camp. And today my instrument decided to break, followed by a hit on my head by a very low ceiling. I think that place and I aren't very good friends now. Haha. But other than that work seems quite ok lar. I just hope I'll get the momentum for work and outreach up and going in like 1 day or something.

I wonder if making a resolution to lose 10kg is such a good idea. It makes me feel guilty everytime I eat something sinful, then again, its sinful then I should feel guilty... but whatever. Anyway, went out with Zijie Gary and CX yesterday, apparently to see Zijie cut hair, which turned out to be not very cut... My first sinful food came from there, Fried Mars Bars! Drools. Haha. Nice, but ergh, all that chocolate is just gonna stick to my hips. And to make matters worse, we adjourned to Marina square where we passed by the oh so tempting Godiva and the chocolixir! Drools more. Haha. Had a white chocolate raspberry. Oh my, it actually has real chocolate chunks in it, white chocolate chunks in a white chocolate blend. argh. I think i gained like 3 kg just in one night. So glad I'm running on thurs.

Finally got response in ministry. This sat got auditions for choir... ahhh... stress... God help me and give my courage to be able to sing in front of others.

Think thats all for now. I'm feeling strangely happy now... wonder why.

2006-12-31T08:32:00.000+08:00

In like just a few hours time. It's gonna be goodbye 2006 hello 2007. This has been a very amazing year, full of ups and downs. Following what Shirley jie-jie said. I'm gonna do some reflection here. Maybe it will inspire someone, I think it will do that for me.

Start on the bad things first. Recently I've been very frustrated with myself. Looking back on the past year. I realized that I haven't given my all for God in many things. Things that I should have done to my best, because they should have been important, but I didn't. As much as it makes me feel terrible, I didn't put my 100% for outreach this year, letting discouragement and fear and all sort of excuses drain my passion for it. Without that fire, outreach was a periodic thing, no longer a lifestyle. For this, God I'm so sorry. Next, I realized that I wasn't as a good shepherd as I could have been to Ezekiel. I wanted to be the best of course, that was my desire ever since June camp, but I let that desire fade by convincing myself that I was still new and completely didn't know anything. Without that desire, I let some of the things I should have done for Ezekiel slide. For this, Ezekiel I'm so sorry. Throughout this year, there were so many things I could have done better, but I let my lazy side take over me. And later let the consequences wear me down.

But enough of that self pity.

I really thank God for this december. He gave me this month to really see what I have been doing. There were many things that I have not done to my best, but remain indifferent about. Throughout this month, God gave me insights on them, turning my indifference to frustration. A frustration meant to grow me. One that will make me not want to make the same mistakes again. And I think ultimately whatever I've done wrong, God will forgive, as long as this dissatisfaction, one that makes me want to go punch my past self in the face and say"wake up, and start serving God, stop lying around doing nothing.", remains, and I keep a repentant heart. I'm not saying that I can just constantly sin over and over again, repent and then go back sinning. But I think as long as I grow from the experience, even if I stumbled again. God will take my hand, pick me up and say" It's ok, It's alright to fall. Come take my hand, let me help you up,then we'll try again together." Just reading this back, it gives me new hope for the new year.

But this year hasn't been as dreadful as the previous paragraph describes. There are also lots of good stuffs, what I really want to focus on to inspire me to keep improving for next year.

First, while outreach has yet to be my lifestyle, I think God has really help me grow in this area this year. Although only periodic, those times, I think I really worked as hard as I could. There were no fruits, but when I finally manage to make outreach a lifestyle, something that comes so natural to me, I know God will bless me with much. Even with such periodic times, when Shirley said God clapped for all our hard work during yesterday's celebration. I heard him say" You've grown, you've done better than before, this clap is also for you."
Second, I thank God for blessing me with so much in NS, not many pes B, pass IPPT people can actually get out of combat units and jump right into band. Not many people have their shepherd sleeping just 2 beds away in BMT. Or have another hoppie(current shepherd) in the same unit. Looking at all this, how can I not believe that God blessed me. How can anyone who knows it not believe that.
Like I said, I really thank God for this december, not just for letting me see where I've gone off the path He set for me, but also to see the goodness He has placed in my life and the breakthroughs He has given me. Like Derrick wrote in my card, the shy me has been overtaken by the more courageous me, courage that God has given me. To be able to help a whole group of people in their studies when I have doubts about my ability to teach, especially when it comes to people I don't know at first. Also to be able to stand up in front of the whole central and share what God has spoken to me, it's not something I would have usually done. I also became more trusting of others, to look beyond their surface and see the intent. To release alot of grudges. All these things, I could never have done alone, simply because I never considered changing them. But God saw and God did.

Finally, I come to the most important blessing that God has given me this year. Something that I really thank Him for. It is said that Man does not live on bread alone. We need food to survive yes. But to live, we need to have relationships. A relationship with God being the most important. Also, relationships with others. So I really want to thank God for the people He has put in my life this year. God has placed Derrick in my life. My recently former shepherd. He is someone whom without with, I probably wouldn't have seen so much growth in myself. Thank you for believing in me. Spurring me on even when I said I couldn't. Thank you for going so out of the way for me. Going all the way to Sengkang when you live so far away for shepherding. All the way to Serangoon to run with me even when you dislike running probably as much as I do. Helping me with my UA duties. Bringing me to Billy Bombers. There are so many things you have done for me and if I were to list them all. I might crash blogger. But really, thank God for you and all that you've done. God sees your hard work and will bless you and annoint you to bring Ezekiel and all your other sheeps to their upmost potential. I thank God for the NS ministry, for Jiehui who work so hard to find the key to the ministry. Reading books even I don't wanna read just so you can teach apologetics and spending so much time to the point of people probably think you being gay or something. For my current shepherd Peter, for helping me grow in such a short time to really want to extend the kingdom of God. For CD1, being my CG for 1 year, going through the year with me, lifting me up. For CD3, my CG now, for accepting me so readily. I see a great growth in the year ahead. For everyone in this ministry, for working so hard to bring in the harvest. You guys have been a great inspiration to me. For Daniel too, my DL, you've believe much in my ability even when I didn't. You gave me constant reminders of what God wants me to do, to be salt and light. Also, your passion for central has given me passion too. For pastor Shirley da-jie, when I see your dedication to the kingdom of God, your passion for growing the Church, your desire to see God be known to the world. Wow. Thanks for all your sweat and blood and tears. I think you've really help to motivate the whole youth ministry to reach what we are today, breakthrough 1000 is done. Let's move on to greater glories for God. For the ppl I've taught in NED, don't know what I've been doing to you all. Haha. But thank God for you all, for believing in my ability in maths and chem which I don't believe in. Especially Gary and Zijie, for spending alot of time with me after your exams. For Desmond, So busy still try to find time to teach me guitar. I really appreciate that. So down to the last person, who's to me, as important as Derrick, heh, important people should be placed both first and last. To my spiritual buddy Alvin. Firstly, thank you for trusting my then very raw tutoring skills, my first student. Thanks for motivating me to run so I can lose weight, heh. Choosing to take time to spend it with me when I need it. For teaching me even as I was teaching you, the overnight discussions over passages in the Bible and so on. Introducing me to alot of good food. We haven't been SBs for very long, think at most 3 weeks only. But really, thanks. Let's grow our groups strong, and go try more food, and fish and all that.

Writing this post so far, I cannot count the number of times I've teared. How strange that during my daily life, I've never remembered these blessings God has given me. Thank God Shirley gave me this idea.
Over the whole of 2007, I hope those bad things will dissapear, they might be replaced, but they must not remain. All who read this please help me ok? Stop me from giving excuses I make for continuing on with those horrible things I've done this year.

My prayer for the new year
God. I really pray that during the next year. You'll guide me to be the best I can be. I might not be comfortable with it, I might fear it, I might hate it. But guide me all the same, I choose to follow what the Holy Spirit prompts me to do. And when I don't do it. Send me reminders through people to remind me what I've prayed for today. Be with me, that I may be comforted by your presence during times of despair. When I feel like You aren't there, remind me that You're always there. That You're simply letting me learn to walk on my own, but still watching over me. God I pray that next year will be a fruitful year. Because I have chosen to make outreach my lifestyle. Mold me to be someone that will live for you. May my everyday for next year and the year after and forevermore be days that will glorify You. That I may be salt and light to the world. Grow me to become all that You want me to be. Everyway that I can, I want to serve You, to worship You, to simply love You. Let everything that I need come from You and no one else. You are my creator, my provider, my saviour, my friend, my guide, my everything. Guide me always, never let me go. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

2006-12-30T12:08:00.000+08:00

Yay. So the internet's finally back to almost working order. So can blog about the week.

Christmas was fun at the chalet. Haha. Amazed that the place can actually hold the entire central. So sad I fell asleep like 1 hour after 12. Completely missed out on the whole night. But fortunately managed to keep awake for the whole of the second night. Got taught more about mahjong by Sida and played for hours. haha. Anyway... will post photos of it when i know how... or you can simply refer to central blog :P

Yesterday went to watch Death Note 2 with a whole bunch of ppl which I will try to name... if i can remember them all... Alvin Gary Zijie Chunjin JosephLin Jiancong Sunny Chenxiang Stephen Ruihao Pam and er... forgot the last one... Also saw 2 other grps from hope. haha. The Grand Cathay is uber huge and comfortable. Love it. haha. So anyway back to the movie... Sobz... My 2 favourite characters died... One died to save an idiotic girl... but at least the other died peacefully... But think thats the end of death note the movie already. dun think they will make the rest of the manga into movies... will get too draggy.

Discovered a new game from Matthew. Oohhh.... hooked on munchkins... must get my own.... compulsive buyer strikes again.

I'm just blogging to keep my blog alive for now.

2006-12-24T00:17:00.000+08:00

Oh happy happy. It's about to be Christmas.

This month has been a month of new and exciting breakthroughs for me. First I spoke out in front of a 100 plus ppl crowd(central). Then I found my spiritual buddy(Alvin) :P. And now today God has blessed me beyond everything He has before.

So the day of Christmas service started out on a low note. Considering that I tried very hard to invite a whole lot of ppl, think about 15 ppl at least. And all didn't want to go or couldn't make it. Imagine how crushed I was to give confirmation of 0 to my shepherd(new also-- Peter :)). I almost cried myself to sleep, asking God why this happened. It's not like I didn't put in any effort or anything. So anyway was feeling quite depressed all the way to dhoby ghaut station, where I decided to just ignore my own sadness and try to look happy for everyone else. Think it work, heh. Then at service I completely denied my emotions and just decided to bask in the presence of my God, ignoring my doubts so that I could wholeheartedly seek Him.

Now while I had no visitors with me, Peter had 2 so I could help him instead. So when it came to altar call, naturally I would share to 1 while he share to the other. Actually before this I was very nervous. Was thinking, if God didn't even let me have any visitors, will He actually help me in this?(Understand that this is spawned out of my insecurities) By the last worship song(which happen to be my current favourite-- Beautiful Saviour) however, God touched me. Filling me up with a sense of confidence in His power and my life. I felt like crying then, it seems that God always touches me when I'm feeling most powerless and down, giving me a sense of feeling that is impossible to describe, but best words are excitement and wonder. Wondering why God would actually use someone who seem to have given up hope. So anyway, it came to altar call. And I shared my life and how God blessed me ever since I came to know Christ to Wee Kiat. Things I never even thought of just came spilling out of my mouth. It's so amazing. I didn't even think I knew what I was saying. And when he agreed to go down... Aiyah cannot describe lar. So that's the first time I help someone come to know Christ. It's just simply amazing. It's amazing how God works things out. I rather have no visitors and have someone convert, than to have 15 visitors but no one convert. I can only say God really works in ways that are beyond my understanding. And I really got to just hold on to the fact that He knows what to do. So yeah learnt something today :)

Everyone enjoyed my cookies. So happy. Haha. Oh happy day.

2006-12-20T23:55:00.000+08:00

Just a quick update on the past few days.
Sun-- played bball during sports cg. not bad although it rained. I actually had fun and can keep my emotions under control. Then met my mom at vivocity to do a little shopping. Turned out to be a huge spree... Don't wanna type out the amount I spent. Might scare ppl to death. Lol.

Mon-- Supposed to go hike up bukit timah hill. But guess what. It rained... Oh well. No hike. So I spent the afternoon at PS with Gary and Zijie. Sort of a retreat. Haha. Played a game of pool in which I sunk none of the balls. LAN which my VS owned a little before being destroyed. And a touch of arcade. Then the 3 of us plus Lester chilled awhile at TCC talking about creating a game for Christians. Got to know them better, which was the whole purpose btw. It's really nice, don't usually get a chance to just spend time with people, usually got alot of other stuff distracting. The rest of the stuff... erm... nvm...haha.

Today-- Woke up late for the first time in many months, must have been really tired. Never in the whole of this year did I wake up at 9. Anyway, planned to complete my list of gifts for people solo today. But ended up with Aquila as well. Thank God he's there, or I'll probably still be stuck with gifts not bought since I'm as indecisive as erm... no idea what lar(Indecisiveness strikes again) Anyway, did it all. Yay.

Christina Aguilera's Hurt is amazing. She can produce so much emotions in the song and her vocals are amazing.

Anyone who actually reads my blog, you wanna come for my Church's Christmas service? It's really gonna rox! 23rd dec, 3pm at Kallang Theatre. Say you wanna come. Tell me ok?

Cya

2006-12-13T19:41:00.000+08:00

I'm home, looking like the walking dead, pretty much about to collapse very soon. Actually just fell asleep in the toilet just now.

Just came back from breakthrough camp.Well actually came back from that long ago but got parade...Anyway...I'm gonna try to blog as accurately as I can what happen lar... But some stuff just can't be captured in words.

First day---Supposed to meet games comm ppl at 930, but waited until 1030 only to find out that they left already.. oh well. So headed there along with the rest of the ns unit. Then went on to prepare for games. Also registered in, and like this camp's goodie bags are sooo much better than before! Shoe bags! with very nice camp booklets. Also wann extend my warmest welcome to all the A level grads boys from various district, welcome to NS or the SAF, Serve God Always Forever.
Otherwise it's just gonna be a waste of your 2 years. Quoted from Derrick.
Anyway, on with the games! Turns out east didn't have enough people for table soccer, so only had 4 games between NorthEast, NorthWest and Central before I became free to roam around. Unfortunately, rain came in shortly after the 4th game and the rest of the games session,including the track events,were cancelled. So we adjourned back to the hall to continue on with cheerleading and king of food. Very fun to watch cheerleading, we have such talented members in our church. and very big eaters too. haha.
Then we were given the keys to our respective bunks so we could go wash up for dinner. The keys were kinda irritating since there was only one set for 4 of us. Which pretty much meant that we had to always wait for the person with the key to come help us activate the lift and gate. Thank God I got to hold the key, muhahaha.

So after dinner we had the opening ceremony where they showed us a nice sample of the mass dance. And then we prepared our hearts for teaching with prayer and praise & worship. Both of which were especially ministering, think its the fact that all the people present were just so hungry to hear from God. So by the time that ended, we were more than ready to hear from the Word of God.
The first teaching was Illustrations of Christian Victory by Pastor..ermm brother! David Chen. :) The way he preached was a very refreshing change that really ministered to me. For this lesson, the main point was that God wants to and has given us victory in everything we do, however God gives but does not feed, we must desire for the victory and if we want it we must work for it. But working for it fully with the faith that God has already ensured that we will be victorious. The thing that really struck me that day was on how hidden sins could become our bondage that prevents us from being victorious. I'm not gonna say what, but there are some things that I had not accounted for yet. Right at that moment though, God called out to me, I just can't describe it, the feeling and what happened then is just beyond description. I cried, ashamed of myself and amazed by the grace that God still wants to give me, even with the doubts that sometime comes to me. It's awesome to have felt God's love just surround you.

Following the spirit-filled altar call, we were pretty much exhausted and most went to bed on time(1230) though some of the more energetic ones seem to not need sleep till like 3, 4am.

Day 2--- Woke up at 7 and did QT with my new CG. Followed by a brief mass dance session. And then breakfast... did I mentioned that the food that was provided was none other than from SFI, also known as the provider of cookhouses in most army camps? Urgh! But thank God it tasted better than what was given in the cookhouse. More teaching next.
Basically the whole day was devoted to teaching by Shirley and David. But it was good, because the Holy Spirit was moving. I learnt a lot that day. And while God didn't hit me the way He did on the first night, nevertheless He did speak to me. More and more I'm convicted about fulfilling the Great Comission. And after listening to all the testimonies shared by David, I'm convinced that 100% man 100% God. God confim give 100% effort, so we give 100% effort, and there's pretty much nothing that we cannot do. All the testimonies on how God provided money for busride, stopping the storm, sending the right people at the right time... It's just so amazing.

So instead of dinner... we had..... MISMATCH!!! I'll post photos of the event shortly... as soon as I upload it. Very happy to say that my outfit got nice comments. Lol. So interesting to see what other people come out with too. Had presentations of affirmations for all the DLs too. Very touching. We had one more teaching and since God was moving in the hall. We ended up overshooting the time by alot. But hey,we're youths, we ain't gonna let late night stop us from praising and worshiping God now are we,especially on the last night. So yeah, we had our concert! Always fun to praise God, though I got my feet scraped by the floor for not wearing shoes.

So the concert ended at 2, which pretty much left very little time for our usual talk to all the people you need to talk to kinda thing. Had district and unit meeting till about 330. Don't want to go into details here. Then met up with Peter for a sort of a first shepherding, a quick run through to see how I am on teachings and such. Then went to meet Derrick for a chat. Did a little affirmation for each other. Really gonna miss this shepherd. Learnt alot from him. So yeah Derrick, thank God for you.

Then just chatted with Derrick and Guo Feng. Talked about the reasons why we accepted Christ and stuff like that, very thought provoking chat. Then Derrick couldn't hold out and fell asleep right there by the netball court. Lol. So continued to talk to Guo Feng. We're pretty much came about the same time... at least I think so lar... I sort of can't grasp the fuzzy memory anymore. Talk about a lot of stuff. Don't wanna go into details.

Then went to talk with Alvin. Also wanna thank God for him. He has really been a blessing to me this year. So we talked about what we learnt in camp, which is pretty much what I've been writing about so far. lol. Then went back to the hall and sort of rested with Rayson and Kayson... interesting names eh? Lol. The hall was pretty much left to the NorthEast ppl. Wonder where the rest have gone... my unit think only left me and Rayson. Had some nachos, thanks Kat for getting them for us. Though you make me buy something everytime I see you. lol. Then me and Kayson decided to go play "volleyball" with erm... ok I dunno all them names... so its er... Pam, Sunny, Gary, Jian Cong and the rest. lol. Very fun, its not really volleyball so much as smack the ball until it falls to the ground. I got 3 headshots though, so sorry to those I hit. We played till about 715 before going back to dorm to wash up.

day 3--- this is where I felt abit low. Coz me and Peter gotta report back to camp at 1030, so like we have to leave about 830 to ensure that we weren't late. Which meant that we would miss out on all the day's activities. including photo-taking and all the fellowship. My heart felt heavy to have missed out on this. Moreover, considering that I had no sleep, going for a parade seemed like a daunting task. But one nice thing that happened today was that 2 of the sisters from Hope overseas gave me a keychain to remember them by. So nice of them.

Now to share one of my breakthroughs. Ok most people that know me know that I'm kinda cowardly, speak in front of more than 10 people and I get stressed up and all that... When David was asking people to go up to the front to share their convictions to the rest of the Church, ok I didn't go...(this is not my breakthrough yet) I was prompted yeah, I wanted to stand but firstly I was still pretty much tied up by my fear and also there were already too many people sharing already. So I thought, ok that was the end of it... dissapointed in myself, but relieved. Then after the concert we had our district meetings... And Daniel gave us the chance to those who wanted to share but haven't. Once again prompted by the Holy Spirit. Again I resisted... not very obedient after all... but this time, my resistance didn't last that long... with pretty much no idea what made me do it, I raised my hand... and moved to the front, all the while thinking, die... what in the world am I doing up front. But God gave me courage, I wasn't completely comfortable, but I shared my conviction. Very big step out of my comfort zone I think. Later Derrick was like saying that he was very surprised when Daniel called me up front, he was actually trying to remember if there was another Shaun in central. Lol. So I faced up with one of my fears, maybe next camp, I'll be one of those people standing in front of the Church sharing.

I haven't exactly been really serving God for like awhile now. But I want to change. And from this camp I gained a fear. A fear that once I leave the camp, I'll just revert back to my old routines with not life transformations. I'm doing all I can to keep the fire burning and not let this fear come through. But I know that the fire will only keep burning when I trust in God. Trust in God's strength, love, comfort and so much more. All you people who went for the camp too, keep it burning too.

Breakthough 1000 by end Dec.

Amen.

2006-12-10T23:48:00.000+08:00

Ok yay I survived the week, pretty well too. Blessed by God I think. But no details, shan't look back on the past but move on to the present. Or whatever. lol.

Got myself all packed and ready for camp, and in record time I might add. Got an idea for Mis-match, but I think it's either it looks ugly and I won't wear it... or I'm gonna burn up in it. Oh well. Hopefully I won't forget anything important.

Really expecting to see great breakthroughs in this camp, especially since the past week has been filled with blessings, as though God is gearing me up for the camp. So I'm gonna go with as much excitement as I can muster(picture monkeys jumping around a room filled with bananas, or even Hammy[over the hedge] with caffiene)

Anyway, there's nothing much to be said before camp lar, it's the after camp that's important. 'sides, I'm gonna have to rest so I'm all geared up for games(all of which I'm not in) and so I won't fall asleep at the wrong times.

Don't wait for me to come online ok? coz I won't, not till wed. :)

2006-12-09T00:23:00.000+08:00

Yay! I've reached the halfway mark of my NS life today. I get new amounts of credits to buy stuff from e-mart... not that I will... since the e-mart is like a good 15 mins walk away from the hill(Now that sounds scary) Rather wait till like BMT POP or some other parades where the e-mart is closer... lol. Can also get to see my pink IC in like 11 months and 30 days.

Tomorrow is like the last tough parade of the year. Finally, OCS will end. So I didn't really go down for that many rehearsals and the sun was hiding in the clouds. But it's still tiring what, can just picture the president taking a long time to do his inspection and making the speech which incidentally, is something like BMT POP, pre-written and the GOH just reads off it. Which means spend enough time at the parades, and you too can make those speeches. Lol.

Camp is coming up so fast, I feel very unprepared. Gotta find time tomorrow to get my stuff ready, and try to spend as much time preparing my heart as possible. I intend to get the most of this camp, who knows when the next one that I can attend is gonna be.

My sheep just went to tekong today, poor thing. God bless.

Gd night all.

2006-12-03T00:50:00.000+08:00

Ok I'll start with some whining, some emo, and then some cheerful. lol.

By the end of next week, maybe everyone can go attend my funeral. It's gonna be like parades every single day starting from this sun. COG then BMTC then OCS... AHHHH!!! Can go insane lor. Especially the BMTC one... it's like going to Azkaban, with all those dementors swooping down and sucking the happiness out of you. The only good thing about this whole thing is that I'll probably get a tan... not a full tan... but a tan nonetheless. lol.

So anyway, 1 more week to camp!! YAY!! I can finally go for my second full camp after missing 2... Gonna enjoy this camp fully, and have lots and lots of breakthroughs. I'll stay there until I get at least 1, even go without sleep(which I already most likely won't be doing on the second night.) Then after that it's all out for Christmas already(which I still haven't started writing cards... think gonna be late again. Think I can grow alot this month. Full steam! And also I found my colour for clothes!!! It's purple!!! At least I got one so far lar... see how it goes... I'm a little high... dunno why...

So anyway today, a little emotional. Had CG at Sarpino's in Meridien. And so the re-structure is officially revealed today, although it takes effect only from camp. Me and Victor moving on to the other 2 CGs. I kinda expected it already lar. Always wondered why me and Peter different CG, but expecting and actually having it come to pass is very different lar. Considering how much I dislike change(some might say dislike getting out of comfort zone...) it's actually very hard from me to constantly move on( 3 different CGs in less than 2 years.. probably broke some record) Not to mention I'm gonna have my sheep become my soon to be ex-shepherd's sheep just when we finally get some kind of connection, which leaves me with no sheep at the moment. Think if Derrick didn't tell me earlier, I'll probably end up crying or something. I wish can stay, but when God has given a new direction, new paths to explore, the best way to grow is to obey. Besides it's not as though I don't see why I'm moving lar. Still hard, still struggling, but with a heart knowing that God will make a way, will help me adapt to changes. Also, knowing that God will use a pretty quiet and terrified me to help grow the group and these changes are meant to help me grow too. Hopefully, my faith will reach new levels through this and my "walls" will all collapse like the walls of jericho did.

Getting a bit teared up already... better end off. Ciao.

2006-11-29T22:09:00.000+08:00

step up final performance

This is like so cool. Makes me wanna learn dancing... which unfortunately I can't... since I have 2 left feet. Oh well. It really rox.

The Beach

2006-11-24T23:18:00.000+08:00

The beach is where water meets land. It always seems full of sand(so ppl can make sand castles).

Like any other place, it probably means something different to everybody. Maybe to some, its a very sad place,coz it reminds them of people they love lost to sea. To some, it could be happy, its where they got engaged. It could even be terrifying, especially for those people who have phobia of water(hydrophobia?)

To me, its a place of peace,at least it is when its in the evening and theres no small kids trying to run over you. You just have to find a nice secluded spot, far away from people. Take a sit on the soft sand. Watch the movement of the clouds as the sun sets, then watch as the stars slowly appear, like tiny windows into heaven. All the while being seranaded by the sound of the tide coming in,then slowly moving out. I think its a really really soothing place. Thus far, its the only place I found where I can really just forget about the world(if only for a little while) and drift and dream and reflect. It's a place where I feel I can really feel God, see God and talk to God. I think from now on, when I'm down, I will go down there, and I'll pray.

And in the future, when I move to somewhere with seasons. I'm gonna get a house by the sea, or a lake. Somewhere where I can enjoy the sunsets with my arms wrapped around my loved ones. Somewhere where the glory of God is revealed in the wonderful things of nature .Somewhere where I can go and be alone with God easily.

I have no idea why I'm writing this now.

2006-11-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

Back home finally. I miss home despite spending 1 night away, but then again, considering that the piece of bread left out to bait the rat is happily moulding away to the point that i can't stand to go near it, home is so good. Thank God for Joel who got rid of the bread.

Had to go to turf club again today. Really terrible place, ppl smoking everywhere, can literally feel my lungs blacken with soot. The president was supposed to make appearance today and we were supposed to play the fanfare for him, but apparently we ain't fated to ever play the fanfare. Whole thing called off due to rain. Just as well, can go home earlier. Lol.

I got hooked on this song recently. Very nice, if I look just a bit deeper into the lyrics, it could actually be the story of my journey towards finding God. Of course for people who can't see deeper, it's a love song that could be sung to God, so there. :P

Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

2006-11-10T22:33:00.000+08:00

Firstly, to all O level dudes and dudettes, congrats, almost all papers complete, only a few more left. Jiayou.

Secondly, Argh! Why must I have weekend duty on sat, so sian. Thank God for books.

Thirdly, I learnt alot at shepherd class today. Really want to thank God for the 3 first time teaching ppl, Grace, Joanne and Leon(Hope I spelt all the names correctly.)

2006-11-06T08:40:00.000+08:00

Aiyah, supposed to blog yesterday but fell asleep. haha.

Yesterday quite sian. Finally after 3 months of COG support, we get to do main. But even as we march down orchard road. It starts to rain. Haiz. End up doing half a support by marching up that stupid hill in istana.

Got screened by the police for the first time at the bishan void deck while I was with some of the NED ppl. They must think we some gang or something. haha.

Nothing much else to blog. :P

2006-11-05T01:32:00.000+08:00

I CAN GO FOR CAMP!!! Haha. But this post is like 3 days late already. Oh wells.
I improve my 2.4 timing by half a min despite sleeping for only 2 hours. But this is also 3 days late.
I can move smoothly from G chord to Em chord on my guitar. Also 3 days late.
Think can call this blog the late blog. Haha.

Had a really interesting session of apologetics today. More than answered the basics that most ppl will ask, with some very nice case scenarios. Had to miss a seemingly to me rather important lesson at believers' gathering about stewardship, but think can get notes from ppl.

Bought 2 new books to accompany me during the lonely hours of my HQ duty on sat. Pray it will grow me more :)

2006-10-29T23:57:00.000+08:00

Ok me recover from a one night long stomachache, slight fever and aching muscles, something that would have probably taken me weeks to heal from. So thanks to all who prayed for me. And most of all, thank You God for it's only by Your grace that I can heal this fast :)

Church camp is fast becoming a reality for me. With OCS dates fixed and no other parades popping out for band B, my leave gets closer and closer to being approved. Can't wait after attending only the first one and 2 halves after.

Went to a highly unspiritual place today.Not on my own accord of course. For some strange reason SAF bands agreeds to play at the Turf Club, so as an unfortunate NSF in band, got no choice, must go.

O levels' and A levels' here already, all the people taking them, jiayou ok? Just a bit more. Esp the NED ppl, dun make me stress for nothing. Haha! More importantly, do it for the glory of God.

2006-10-24T22:22:00.000+08:00

I'm staring at the screen not knowing what to blog... Nothing really exciting happened leh. So i suppose a simple one will do for now.

Watched prestige yesterday. It's a sort of an ok show. Quite a deep plot, and somewhat by the edge of your seat kinda show, but all that flashbacks and the cloning thing sort of spoilt the whole thing, still think that the story couldn't continue without them. Oh well.

Think it's time to brush up more on my DotA skills... played rather badly today. If I didn't team up with seng kim probably do nothing but feed. So back to training.

I'm feeling bored.

2006-10-20T00:59:00.000+08:00

Omega short and quick post.

Spent 2 very long hours at Health Promotion Board doing a rather sian project.
Then went to watch Death Note with some of the O lvl ppl. It's a MUST-watch. So cool. L and Light are so brilliant. Can't wait for the rest of the movie and the anime and the comics. Haha.

Tired. Sleep.

2006-10-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

Central Vision Night last night was a powerful time. It's like God shining a light upon me. To show me the darkness of sin that still plagues me,some of which I didn't even know of. So lots to repent and much to change.

First and foremost, no more sub-standard Christianity. No more simply going for service and cg, then forgetting much of what was told to me. The vision of God must be lived out in my life, which is something that I still struggle to do. Gotta work to change my lifestyle, think thats the only way I can really see significant spiritual growth. Sleeping giant sleeps no more.
This phrase really got to me, " Be inspired, then perspire"(Ok it's was actually told to me in from another viewpoint, but gist is there lar) Can no longer simply desire to follow God after service but then lose steam along the week.

3 sheeps by end Jan, more than one person believes I can hit this goal, more importantly, I think God has given me this goal. So gotta stop slacking and really believe that He will give me what I need to hit it.

Really got alot more to repent lar, but more private stuff.

So anyway, just to lighten up the moment, a bit about my day. Woke up at 6 am and couldn't go back to sleep, probably coz my room got 4 extra ppl suddenly..haha... jk. So had breakfast with Alvin, Xueyong, Joseph and Cheng Xiang then went on to potong pasir for unit cg. Seriously wasn't really up for the idea of NS sports day. But oh well, wasn't that bad lar. Badminton is quite ok... aching muscles though. Overall it's a very tiring day. But at least I excercised... haha... but argh... brain dead liao.

Gd night!

2006-10-10T19:58:00.000+08:00

Didn't go to work today, coughing too much to do anything anyway... and polyclinics are horrible... waited 2 and half hours before i left that place... and the receptionist was playing musical chimes... ok I'm venturing into the realms of whining... Anyway, got a day's mc... better than nothing. Spent the whole day sleeping, feeling soo much better now... except a bit bored...haha.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 - "Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all of your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

2006-10-07T23:35:00.000+08:00

How amazing God is? How could I ever think that I could keep my fears from Him? How could I ever have doubted in His existence?

Today's NS vision meet was just amazing. I could really feel God move in it. There's no other reason for it. How else would Daniel know about my issues in evangelising when I told no one before. Yet when he prayed for me, he knew, or rather God knew everything. Was really touched by it. It's times like this when the presence of God is so tangible, so real. To want to not believe in Him is so impossible.

It's a really emotionally draining, but spiritually refreshing day. Haha. A day full of challenges as well. To overcome fear and sickness. To be a shepherd of 3 by Jan. And so much more. To tell the truth I AM frightened by all of them. But that's just me, and I'm not gonna rely on my limited and definitely very weak abilities to do all this. I'm gonna rely on God's limitless, almighty strength to carry me through. I have no idea what's gonna happen, maybe I'm not ready for it, maybe I am. But I know that whatever happens, as long as I keep faith in God, He will guide my way, and have the best plan for me. This is gonna be my prayer for faith.

When we work, we work. But when we pray, God works.

The haze is really bad now, think my cough is due to it. Ppl pls pray for me.

2006-09-30T02:29:00.000+08:00

Gave up the idea of putting one Bible verse everyday... simply coz its too much to remember perday.. so i'm only gonna put it when i memorized it already.

This week was a tough week man... parades or parade rehearsals every single day... super tired of standing...haha. Lots of birthdays this week too. got sunny's, shawn's, luke's etc etc etc. Spent quite a bit... but for a good cause.

Today went to eat prata with Shawn Ray and Luke on a rather impromptu plan.. The butter and honey prata were both very good. Though i reccomend eating with someone else or arteries might clog..

Afterwhich we adjorned to a short trip to Shawn's house before ending up at a playground nearby. Basically just talk about alot of aimless stuff, more for the enjoyment of each other's company.. It's very hard to find moments like this where you can almost just stay still and watch life go by with other ppl. I think only real friends do... And its just another thing to thank God for putting into my life.

Tired. Sleep
Night.

2006-09-04T23:44:00.000+08:00

Oh first day back in Tekong. I swear there's a aura of despair surrounding that island, I board the ferry and it's like back to BMT feeling of booking in. Oh well, I did get to see a few of the remaining sgts that I know of there(though they dunno me). And I also got a tan... a nice lobster red tan. so cool.

Isaiah 40:30-31 - 'Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall. But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and no grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. "

2006-09-04T00:22:00.000+08:00

Ok it's late. I have no idea why I'm at home when I have to report at 6 tomorrow. I'm not gonna blog about anything. Oh I just did...

Psalm 2:8 - "Ask of me, and I will make the nations your inheritance, the ends of the earth your possession."

2006-09-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

Strangedly exhausted today... not sure why. But really had fun at the apologetic discussion. I love to have ppl explain it to me without me reading it by myself... not sure why... but that's the way it is. Takes lots of time to understand doctrines though, can't wait for more of this.

John 15:7 - "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you."

2006-09-02T00:12:00.000+08:00

Yay MP anniversary parade over. So that's one parade down which makes me very happy. Despite not being able to see the wittle doggies no more(They are definitely not little).left COG on sun. BMTC POP mon to wed.

Went to hougang mall with Peter Junyang and Joel. Really looks different there. They have the nice Pepper Lunch Express there. Real nice. Then went to pasar malam. There was this shop selling Smelly Tofu. My gosh... it doesnt smell at all from like 1m away... but u get really close, and u can practically smell as though something died there... almost puked out my pepper lunch stuff after smelling. cannot believe that the other 3 actually managed to eat it.

Matthew 18:18 - "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

Haven't really memorized this one yet. Still trying... brain on overload at the moment... also dun really get it... haiz...

2006-08-31T22:15:00.000+08:00

Almost end of the week. Doesn't seem like it though... what with COG( support again) on sun and bmtc pop mon to wed. Oh well, no point complaining, for good or for worse I'm already in band... can't back out. haha.

Micah 6:8 -
" He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the Lord require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. "

Hope I can do so all the time.

2006-08-30T22:48:00.000+08:00

Not exactly sure what I want to type. This blog seems to be going down the drain since I went NS. So in order to keep this alive somehow for when I actually want it. If I got nothing to blog about I'll just post a Bible verse I memorized here. Here's the first one. :)

Isaiah 24:16 - "From the ends of the earth, we hear singing, "Glory to the righteous one".

2006-08-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

Ok continuation of yesterday's post.

During NS meet, Jiehui shared a story about how this guy was basically just dying through out his entire life... he was dying to go to sch. dying to get out of sch. dying to get married.. dying to have kids.. dying to have the kids out of his life. dying to die... basically not living his life. And it made me wonder. Am I not doing the same thing at this stage in my life? Dying to get out of NS. I don't like NS, it's a terribly useless thing in my opinion and I just want to serve this 2 years and get on with my life. But why am I in this thing that I don't like? Why would God place in front of me such an obstacle in my life? Sounds familiar to some ppl? What I learnt is that, sometimes obstacles are not meant to be avoided, but to be went through. It's gonna be hard to place faith in God during such times, I definitely would have problems doing that at times. But isn't that what faith is? To trust in something that has not happen.

Anyway, went to the planetshaker's concert with my unit.. but ended up with Desmond, Yushan and Freedy... haha.. it was really cool, not exactly ministering.. ok not ministering.. but its a very nice concert... though feeling kinda stupid to pay 4 bucks to go to someone else's ESS. Following that me rayson and nick joined one whole bunch of NE peeps to go changi airport for supper... search for like almost 45 mins before we found somewhere to eat... sian...

I hate to do COG support... that uphill climb is so tiring... but at least i think i lost some weight doing it...haha.

2006-08-13T01:31:00.000+08:00

Whee! NDP finally over and I could go service today!!! Still a bit upset not on tv lar... but oh well..haha.

Today very long day. 11 go breakthrough meet. Then go NS meet. Then service. Then planetshaker's concert. Whee! Fun day.

I want to share more... but it's very late... and I got cog tomorrow... so I'm gonna continue this tomorrow.

Stay tuned.

2006-08-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

ok quick quick post. one more week and yay its back to service...i've been waiting for 2 months already... almost about to suffer from withdrawal symptoms.

Today was a very long and tiring day. first had core team meeting. then went to watch tokyo drift for cg. Then rushed down to indoor stadium to queue up for festival of praise(FOP) with a few other ppl lar... can't spell all their names... my brain highly burnt...

Anyway, today's FOP was much better than the one on fri... fri's atmosphere wasn't very high and the way they organized the programme weren't very good... but today was very different... or maybe its just a difference in my expectations... I dunno. but anyway, the programme today was better, less interruptions in P&W. The sermon was...ok lar...just can't take it literally i suppose. Then went for supper at cuppage. and home. good done... i go sleep gd nite. haha

2006-07-30T22:37:00.000+08:00

Yay 2 more weeks till end of NDP.
I miss service

2006-07-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

God. I need You.

There's so much I want to do, but I'm afraid. Terrified of things I shouldn't be.

How can I speak out? How can I serve the needs of my sheep?

God, will You help me take a step out of my comfort zone?

Holy Spirit come fill me, I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

Water Baptism

2006-07-16T22:00:00.000+08:00

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was "raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life." Romans 6:4.---Taken from my daily devotions.

The old is gone, dead, kapoof(it's not a word), and the new has come, is born. Today is my water baptism. Its really and literally a once in a lifetime experience. To be able to outwardly proclaim that Jesus is alive,that I'm made new through Him,and my commitment to Him(which in a way sounds like marriage to me...)Until this week... i was still wondering if I was ready,if I actually was really to die for Jesus...not necessarily physically...but to sacrifice what was needed... spent two whole days thinking about that...I can't say that I won't fail at doing it... but definitely, I want to... And also... erm...ok the rest... not appropriate to share here...lol.

Anyway,had cg before water bapt, which we spent quite a bit of time sharing and there were many moments(can't really specify which) which God spoke to me, sort of to prepare me for later and so really strengthen me. Reached there about 2... followed by a quick game. P&W. Testimony and a very very brief teaching. and before u know it we're all down at the pool getting ready to be drenched. 4 from NS grp committing themselves to God today. First off was my shepherd Derrick(Jonathan),went down even before i got there...lol. Next person was Angela(who should be Rose...lol) not from NS grp hor... Then Han Yang(Peter). Ham(Tyreal) was last of the NS grp.. I third. It was really a very tough walk...my heart beating so fast(not sure if i'm nervous or excited or what) till i felt it want to leave my body... Walk towards Shirley, Daniel and Charlene. Then Shirley asked me 3 questions.
" Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, the way to salvation and that he died for you and rose again?"---yes.
"Have you accepted Chirst as your personal Lord and Saviour?"---yes.
"Will you from this day till the day that you die commit yourself to God?"---yes.
Then I got drenched(the water was very salty btw...must be sea water).
Afterwhich, the 3 of them prayed over me. And God spoke to me though Daniel. That I should be salt and light to the world.That I will shine through my methods of living, through the way I react to my friends.(this is the short version). And as I got out actually got a cheering squad...lol.
So passes Shaun the old... and so comes Jeremiah the new.

This is a very gist-ty version of the whole events lar...some things just aren't meant to be shared...basically cause I just can't think of words to describe how I feel then, it was really beyond word... Of course that is exactly how God is... indescribably amazing, mighty, and so many many more words to fill in here... can go on for hours.

Thanks lots
To my shep for The Bible and the card, I'm sure it will help me grow.
To Victor for the chocolate( I love chocolate) and the card.
To nick, jl and daniel for the encouraging cards.
To Sida for the nice sms. :P
To Rayson and Jiehui for being there...lol.
To God, for this life.

2006-07-07T07:27:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting here in my boring room,it's just another rainy friday afternoon. I'm feeling sick,I've got nothing to do. It's my off day and I can't enjoy, why do these things always happen? Well I dunno... (sing to the tune of lemon tree)

So sian... yesterday my fever reached a peak of 38.6 degrees... and I had to suffer for 5 hours being unable to sweat it out, coughing almost out blood... and sneezing my lungs out. This is like a replay of my 6 month sickness last year...ergh... Of course I feel better now lar... you pray and God will answer... within one hour of my prayer... my temp drop by 1 degree... so feeling much better.. Thank You God!!

This whole week I practically didn't work... mon tue off... wed rsi... thurs slept the whole thing thru coz of my fever... fri off... and if i still not well... rso today... which means no sat ndp either... so basically a real rest week...finally... not that i want it though... its really terrible to feel like this... but if i have to feel like this... i rather have the week off.

2006-07-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

Yay. july is here! already i have been given 8 off days. A nice way of offseting my sadness in burning away my weekends.With the coming of july marks the end of SAF day, which is a serious anti-climax. I practised so hard at my faking... so that I can welcome the president... and he didn't come... so sad... I ended up sitting on a rock hard floor from 8 to 7 doing nothing when I could have been at service. Oh well, whats done is done.

Watched scary movie 4 last sun with derrick jiehui angela and elise. It really does appeal to my sadistic side. Love it. Though scary movie 3 was better. Found out that dec camp is on the 6 to 9(tentative) so im gonna begin praying for approval of leave for then... so not gonna miss going for a full camp again.

Really wish NDP would just be over.. sure...its fun... got to see chen weilian(not a fan though),and some other singers... get good food like kfc for free... lots of freebies that i have not much use for... like cooking oil... but its really tiring spiritually... i dun get to go service... nor cg... haven seen my shepherd for awhile now.... and i haven even spoken to my sheep yet... its really getting boring...

Gonna end off now cause i can't think of anymore stuff... army simply rots ur brains away.
This blog is inspired by Sunny :D

2006-06-12T21:31:00.000+08:00

Argh... Once again I'm struck by the not updating syndrome again.

Life in Band B wasn't really the bed of roses that I dreamt off, more thorns than expected,oh well taking the good with the bad.

Somehow through the grace of God, I managed to go for half of Encounter! which is soo good considering that I almost couldn't go. Even though I missed like almost all the teachings and all the games, being that I came only at night, it was very worth it. Heck, even going for 5 mins ought to be worth it. Just attending the last 10 mins of the 2nd day's altar call was enough for the Holy Spirit to minister to me. Needless to say, spirit filled on the last night and the first night too. And fellowship was good too. Completely didn't sleep on the last night, spent the whole night talking and wandering around PGP(Ending up in my zombified state for OCS comission parade). I still think Dare camp was the best camp, being the only one that I attended full, but in this one, God has touched me in a very different way.

2006-05-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Yay! I'm so happy, I passed my BMC(Basic Musician Course -_-) with a pass with merit... and I was like... I'm gonna fail before that. But thank God, I took time to pray and am now rewarded. Now can stay in band and stay out... with no SOC!!!! Oh and I'm posted to band B along with most of the group of us..so thats a good thing... though now I have to pass WGCC. Ha ha.

Anyway, I looove my shepherd... I say that I want to have the warcraft battlechest but can't find... and bam... he buys it for me... where can you find such a shepherd... on earth... in heaven of course got God lar... haha. But I desperately need to improve my DotA skills...

Today's men's conference was interesting... except that I was so tired in the beginning my brain was a little... dead... never really got some of the points( have to read up later)... but thank God for coffee... I managed to get the second half... whee.

Now reading a book called Too busy not to pray... Peter says it will make you feel like praying and effectively too.. Haven't really read it, but it seems interesting... I seriously need growth in my prayer life... I have very little growth there and its rather irritating coz I want to do something but don't... like trying to set a time to pray regularly and end up falling asleep... Maybe reading this book will help me put things in better perspectives...

Can't wait for June camp-- Encounter-- but like I really need to catch up on my daily devotions book... I think I'm like 4 days behind... and hope that I can take leave then... Going to last years June camp was the best thing last year... and I'm going to sacrifice not going overseas this year to go to both camps... after all overseas can go after NS... and I have like only 4 camps in NS and Youth... so praying hard:P

Listening to Adore by Paradise Live... very nice.

2006-04-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

OMG one month almost over since i last blogged!!!!

Its like almost 2 months liao in band...and only one week left to the big exam... I'm so stressed... Its gonna be a crossroad... pass yay can stay in band...no need to touch the SOC ground and scare myself halfway to hell...can play my sax so I wun waste my money... fail le...then go stay in...go chiong...and worst of all...outfield and SOC... So I'm gonna practice hard and whack this exam to pieces:)

Also, can't wait to take 3 days leave in preparation for Church camp...I only went one... and I missed the other cause of bmt...and I'm not gonna let myself miss this june one either...so yeah everyone lets all pray that i can take leave yeah?Thanks!! haha...

Addicted to warcraft...sian....lol

2006-04-08T23:08:00.000+08:00

Sian...I'm losing momentum in bloggin...cannot... must pick up again.

3 weeks in SAF band... I like the life there even though its sort of boring now since theres like nothing else much we can do except pract and slack... in some ways i want to do some parades...I also sometimes think that I'm insane for thinking that.
Hopefully I get to pass the exam at the end of the course so I can continue on this musical journey in NS...haha.

SMU interview was nice...tough...but nice. haha... Makes me want to go there instead of the other unis.

I cant think of anything else to type...I live in a mental block...another time...

2006-03-31T00:20:00.000+08:00

Ah... Almost two weeks in SAF band already. And I like it. haha. Oh definitely there are other vocations that are slacker... but I'm perfectly fine with this one.

Finally managed to finish my applications to uni...not a moment too soon... Hopefully can get what I want and be very happy instead of getting second choice and be just happy.

Went out with Derrick,Chun yang and hak liang today... so long never done that already, it was nice to just catch up with old friends and go watch nice and funny movie like Ice Age 2... haha. Chun yang still has cheeks that have "pinch me" on it...haha.

2006-03-19T22:58:00.000+08:00

One more day and I go on to SAF band...yay!
Not much to pack...just some clothes and reeds...
I'm struck by the time I can have,time I can use to serve God...
Speak God I listen

2006-03-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

I'm in SAF band now. So happy. No need to go field camp.
This is really a case of me being blessed.
Me being Pes B.
Me pass IPPT.
Me fit for SISPEC/OCS
only 26 ppl chosen
band is supposedly for combat unfit ppl.
And yet me the combat fit person got a place there!! Really have to thank God for this blessing and really desire to make full use of this opportunity of extra freedom advance the kingdom of God! There definitely has to be a reason for me to be placed there,and I'm definitely gonna do something about it.
In more selfish sense... I got the slackest job in my section...haha... and I know quite a few ppl going there too...haha...yeah... let's go together...
gotta go start my personal statements for nus and smu application....bye

2006-03-14T22:14:00.000+08:00

What would you do if you see someone about to step down the same path(which happens to be a slide) you almost took in the past? How do you save such a person dear to you from taking a step into darkness that you are familiar with? I mean like... it should be easy right? you know how going through with it will end up since you've been in that situation, you know the circumstances(well at least some of it) you can warn the person right? Ok it's not that easy,for one thing that person isn't you anymore,different personalities,different situations, basically different case. I can seek to tell him...but how can I?It's hard enough for me to open to someone who'd listen,much less a person who won't. But while I know it's hard for me,I can just imagine what that person is facing now,the possiblity of backsliding and so forth...and I'm wondering, is it really so hard for me to get over my stupid fears and go and at least give him some idea of what the heck his doing? I mean come on... this is a person I care for... and yeah I could just go on for hours about this... I really can't do this to a screen now...I think I just have to find some time or whatever to talk... but hey if you believe you're the guy that I'm talking about(it should be pretty obvious to you) Please please please think about it... what could be more important than God? Just think of the blessings you have had compare to a situation...which one looks bigger...and if you say situation...then please just tell me so I don't have to try anymore...

But on to happier things before I get another head/heart ache... Yeah band audition was somewhat a confusion...dunno whether i will get in or not...more like a 50 50 chance...

I just cant decide about what course to take but i suppose I will just pray about it,pick whats best,and pray more and hope for the best.

God please let me be able to bring every single one of my contacts and let them have a personal relationship with you so i can go to army camp with no worries over them...

Someone please remind me that Shirley has already helped to pray for me to have the gift of faith and that I should really learn to understand and excercise this gift?

Ok by rights supposed to be happy stuff...but somehow with that whole other problem( I dun even know why its a problem...save that its happening to someone i care about and he doesnt know i know and so on and so for) yeah it gets a bit sad... oh well...